my dear gal, no more tears ya?
everything's gonna be fine.






my life is finally coming to a less dramatic stage.






so don't go think so much about stuff. cos everything's gonna be fine eventually. the 7 yrs of friendship is back. another almost lost friendship is gained back too. i've gotten over most of the stuff, and i'm no longer feeling the hurt. everything is getting back in place again (i hope).


went to meet up wif zhu si ling n christine with lynn n jill at zhu si ling's house... the met up was great! nv felt so good before... it's been a long time since i felt this way.. the closeness. went to highlight my hair with jill, while lynn trimmed her hair. yes, my dear friends, i finally went to do something to my hair. hahahaa... went to k box after that... had a bonding session there.. haha.. though lynn n jill didnt sing much... but still, we had fun! =)


small talks were nice and effective. n lightsticks brightened up my life. feeling much better now.


was sick yesterday. headache, flu n sorethroat again. too much ktv, too much fast food, too much thoughts, too little water, and too little rest. skipped dinner last night, so was down with gastric too. but now i'm quite fine le.. only sorethroat n flu left... not that bad already... lightsticks worked again. a little here n there. thx to those who were concern about me too. i'm feeling better le k? no worries.




picking myself up again
from the trash that i've been facing.
still alive and living
and more mature then before.
i've learnt so much
from all my other friends out there.
thx for standing by
when i'm in need of you guys.

i'm really glad to have friends like all of you.
thanx.

mentioned that i had a pleasant christmas eve?
yes i did.

met up with junyang. someone i haven't met in a long time. it's always nice to meet up and catch up with old friends, aint it? it's only a matter of time for my sch to start, and for him to enter ns. and christmas eve jus seems like the perfect day to meet up. it so happened that both of us have nothing on, hence making everything easier.

city hall and suntec weren't exactly as crowded as i thought it will be. headed to nydc for our meal. nice meal i would say. but it's so filling that we couldnt order our desserts after that. went to the musical fountain after that, where we stand around and talked about our life and all. so it's a mixture of post A's, prom nite, japan trip, uni life, hostel life, and band. head back to suntec basement for a destination for desserts. ended up at a place called Olio. nice ambience and nice desserts. had our fill there, and a lil gift exchange. it's always nice to have a gift exchange session. but i always run out of ideas for gift exchange. couldnt find anything nice or practical, so i resorted to simple hand made stuff. i love to make stuff. it kinda gives u a sense of accomplishment if it turns out well. =)

went to esplanade area to take a peep. didnt expect there to be so quiet. there's basically nothing much other then a performing jam band. all the others were sitting by the river and gazing at stars. we kinda got bored after a while, therefore advancing to orchard, where we expect bigger crowds and more festive joys or watever u call it. hahaa...

orchard is seriously freaking crowded! somersat was still quite ok actually. it was until we reached the part outside taka, we could hardly walk. everyone was pushing and squeezing. managed to get out of the mess/mass and moved on to the other side of the road, lucky plaza and tangs area, where we could at least walk with ease. head to wheelock place where justin and gang were. as they wanted to go k box together. every traffic light that turns green caused the ppl to go crazy and start to spray the foam thingy. i was seriously coated in them. hahaa...

didnt go ktv after all. cos it's too ex. went to main road to hail a cab a while after meeting up with justin, benny they all. the rest were J1s which i hardly seen before. blame it on me for not going back to visit them. haha.. cabs seem to be all out of sight. the whole stretch of road was filled with ppl trying to hail a cab. we eventually called for one. shared a cab with jy and justin.

that's my christmas eve.
a splendid night.

proximity. u felt it?

a pleasent christmas eve.
that's what it is.





havent had enough sleep lately... went out to holland village the entire night on monday, slept on tuesday, bunk over at geri's on wed night and chat till 6, bunk over at geri's again on thurs night to do exco gifts till 5, holland village supper and chatting at a friend's room till 5 on fri, reached home after celebration at 3 on sat. i seriously need to gain back my sleep.... hahaa...

softball and hockey match was cool... a waste we lost... it's ok.. it's the spirit that matters! =)

missing you is part and parcel of life

i feel like quitting it already... cos i noe i will not be able to do a good job... i keep feeling bad... for not doing my job... and i keep falling behind... and keep forgetting important things... and argh... it's all getting on my nerves! i really feel like quitting... though i noe it's an impossible thing.. all i can wish for is it to end soon...

to someone,
thanx for being there when i needed you to.
thanx for the comfort
and thanx for the hug.

it helped alot.

to another person,
thanx for your concern too.
it's comforting to know that u care.

to a last person,
thanx for the company for the entire night.
it cheered me up alot.

thanx all for jus being there.

to those who are wondering what happened to me, i got back my results, and it sux. i kinda got quite upset cos i da bao a module. that's besides the point, my CGPA is only 1.88. it barely a D. I know i've not worked hard enough. I'm all to blame. but still, cant help feeling upset.

but currently feeling better le... all the thx goes to the 3 ppl mentioned above.






well... regarding another matter

i know nothing i say or do is gonna make a difference
i jus wish things were back to how it used to be
but i know it will never be the same
dunno if it's u, me, or we both.
i know no amount of sorry is gonna make a diff
and no amount of tries is gonna work
still, i misses you
cant take it that 7 yrs of bond is gonna be gone like this.





the next and final thing

i'm trying hard
though i noe i still do.

all it takes is time i believe.

miss everything..
so much, so badly..

i have so many things on for the past week that i hardly have time to think about things i shouldnt be thinking about.. tue and wed's softball prac was tiring as it was in preperation for the match on thurs... we lost the match on thurs.. went for hockey training on fri afternoon, followed by band camp.. stayed up till 5 am in the morning and did get to sleep cos the floor is too hard and the room is too cold.. and the following day is band prac (camp) again... went to swensens to eat ice cream in the middle of the night.. in holland v (!!!) haha... it was cool.. =) slept for 3 hrs, and i have to be up again.. missed band camp to go for hall canvassing as garang guni.. boy i tell u.. it's tiring to the max.. went for family dinner after that.. when i reached home, i slept straight away and no one could wake me up...

and so i'm supposed to be at hockey training now.. but i'm too tired to process anything in my mind.. so i decide to give hockey a miss...

i really shouldnt think so much... life is short.. i shouldnt make it miserable... but sometimes, i cant help it... it's everywhere...

i'm only trying to show my concern as a friend.
please...

n so i thought i've let go,
and that i'm no longer looking out for u.
that i've long put behind all those that happened,
and started to look what's ahead.

looks like i'm wrong.

i cant believe what happened today.
i really wasnt looking out for it.
i jus happened to see it.

sub-conciously.

didnt mean it. didnt want it.







on a lighter note, tonight's ktv was a night of sad songs. i wonder what's wrong with ppl these days... haha..

oh shit... here comes the tingly feeling again. haven't i moved on? why is the tingly feeling coming back to me? what have i done wrong? or what have gone wrong?

i've moved on.

that's what's worth a celebration.





the previous week was an easier week to pass. i sort of immerse myself in band and more band, and hang around the band ppl esp the exco... well.. at least it helped. a little. monday n tuesday i had band chalet. went night cycling on monday night in the chalet too. tues night was more or less spent sleeping.. cos i'm pretty worn out esp after softball training after not sleeping for a night... wed night i had band prac followed by supper... thurs i went to meiji sale with zhibin, geri, ziqian, and the 3rd level girls, followed by a "pre meeting dinner" with some of the exco, den the meeting itself, and then supper... all these days i reached hall at 1 plus earliest. trying to look at things from another perspective. trying to do things i've never done before. like.. hanging around with the band ppl... fri night i wasnt in hall too... went out for the entire night.. back only in the morning.. and saturday i have band again.. after that i went out with shulong, my jc friend.

i'm seriously feeling alot better. better then last last week. i hope this continues... i noe i cant always depend on others to make me happie. i'm learning to move on from the past as well.

i've come to understand, that since certain things are impossible, we should not force it to happen. no matter how much we wish for it, it will not come. so we should jus let nature takes its course, and have a little fun here and there. when it's time to let go, let it go. there's no point holding on to things which will not happen. not now, not in the future. yup...

certain things are beautiful, only for a short period of time.

instead of looking for love, i'm now letting love come to me. my life is always nothing short of a lil drama. and i'm always found getting in and out of dramas, one after another. so what's next?

i've also changed. changed to become more impulsive and wild. i've done more things i thought i would. some are lil lil minor things, but they are the things i won't think of doing in the past. like, drinking. i've changed to learn to take the risks in life. no risk, no fun. no failure, no learning point. we learn from our mistakes, and embrace everything else that comes our way. it's always good to try something new, esp when we're still young. and when we fall, we've jus gotta stand up and get going again.

ppl in hall are getting attached... so envious. seeing ppl hand in hand makes me wanna be in love too. perhaps i'm not a nice enough person, or perhaps i've jus not met the right person. nothing is definite when it comes to this kind of things.

next week is gonna be another hectic week, with quite a number of things clashing. like, canvassing and band camp, hockey and band camp, VCH trip and soft ball... hai... dunno which one to go and not to go... all are equally important...

went shopping with my sister today. finally bought a new hp. 6230i. i know it's an old model, but as long as it's function is not bad, and it's cheap, y not? bought a new denim skirt and a nike sports bra. saw a giordano jeans that i really like. 69 bucks. i seriously have no more money. and i better start saving up too.. haha..

a sad thing about the new hp is that i cant transfer all the msgs over... guess it's fate that wants me to start everything anew, and leave the rest behind. though i know i cant really bear to, i have to do so. gonna miss it. i know i would.

rest assure i'll never hate you or blame you for all that happened.
cant bring myself to do so.

thanx for always being there.
it made this week an easier week to pass.





while on the other hand,
i'm trying to know you all over again.

right from the beginning.

a changed man.
that's what you are.

i feel distant.
like i've never talk to you before.
like as if it's the first time we met.
like as if we've never spend times together.

do i still know u?



no longer falling for u.
it's the old you which i fell for.

the old you who can make me smile.
the old you who cares alot for me.
the old you who always make me feel comfortable around u.

not now.
no longer.

u'r hardly around.
and when u r,
it felt as if u'r not.



i'm not falling in all over again.
i won't fall for a different man.

i'm only thinking of all the things in the past
and there's no way i can stop that.

help.

things don't fade. do they?

dun mean a thing? insignificant?
i tink that's what it is.

i'm fine.

it's jus a million and one things on my mind
and a million of them clashing.

y do they all happen at the same time?
do u noe u mean so much to me?
yes u. no doubt about it.
the one whom i share everything with for the past 7 yrs.

it's not that i don't care alright?

i know u'r perfect.
but u wun't let me have ur heart.

it's true.

heavy hearted.

aching.
everywhere.

no more u.

that's all i noe.








out of my life. that is what it is. but some how, u'r not completely out of my life. some part of u still lingers around my heart... and it's hard to get rid of... but i'm working well... currently only having a heavy heart... it's alright... n i wun dare to say i'm out of depression.. cos everytime i do, i dun mean it, as i tend to sink back in again... this time i hope i'm really fine ya?

band chalet is on monday... perhaps i could take some time off to clear my heart... i'll be far away in the east... while u'll be on the other side of the island in the west... i'll be fine without u... i'll be independent once more...





it's a beautiful love. thanx. nothing is comparable. really.
[back to hugging my bolster]

no matter how much i wanna escape,
i know i can't.

so now i'm facing it.
i'm accepting it.

it's a beautiful dream.
time to wake up my dear.

it's hard reality
but life have to go on.

i can't always hold on to something impossible.

some things will have to go.

so i'm letting go of everything,
and bringing only memories with me.

memories won't change,
not for a lifetime.

it's all worth it.

since the day u went away...
things will never be the same again...








did i tell u? i'm really missing u?
the more i miss u, the more hurt i feel...






so i'm letting go...
once and for all...