Sunday, April 30, 2006
so many things happened in the span of 4 days. aye...
from high, to low, back to high again. at least everything is considered pretty much settled. i know what i should do too.
last thursday. the day i last blogged. it was dooms day man. organic chem was soooo tough i swear i could die. oh wait.. let me change it.. organic chem is so indigestable that i tink i cant finish eating it, and have to end up taking it away (i.e. da bao) oh well... at least i got it over n done with. n so i went to meet geri n jy for lunch, and later make our way to IMM, den back to hall. at night, i went out to jp again, but this time was with my hall friends. went to eat, den played at the arcade. went back to hall n ate famous amos cookie from geri dear!
friday... had an inpromptu outing to town wif geri n jy again. had a fun time. nothing can describe that day... it was splendid.
saturday.. i spent the day watching movie on my lappy while eating tomyam macoroni..(that was already afternoon. i woke up veri late u see...) cos i slept at 5 the previous night talking to a hall pal. later the day, i sat the train from west end to east end until i had butt cramp.. slept.. woke up.. went back to sleep.. woke up again.. n all to realise that i still havent reach pasir ris. oh well.. was a little late for band prac.. but i made it there. watch 3 hours of tape when i reached home at 10 and den went to bed.
woke up super late this morning... ate breakfast n went back to sleep... n woke up for lunch at 330. went online n slacked all the way until dinner. n here i am.. blogging.. aimlessly...
oh boy.. there's alot of other details here n there i don't know how to blog. everything happened so fast..
i've no idea what happened.
when i opened my eyes that morning
different emotions rushed through me.
until one finally stopped in my heart n mind
i know what i should do
i'm sure of it
after seeing so many of love and hurt
be it to me or to my friends around me
i've come to a conclusion
love is beautiful. but i wanna love no more...
`love
4/30/2006 10:13:00 pm
Thursday, April 27, 2006
dear friend, everything happens for a reason. i know it hurts, but there's no other way out of it. embrace it is all you can do. you'll find happiness in it. i'll be here. always.
don't let tears roll down your face again.
`love
4/27/2006 01:50:00 am
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
stuck with organic chem on a dark and going-to-rain afternoon. what could be worse?
sigh.. y didnt i pay attention in lessons? it's too late isnt it? hmph.. must recall all that i remembered now.. n not to mention, try to spot important concepts.. i dun have time for all 15 chapters... time to do some selection man... sigh...
i hate it when i'm not prepared.. then again, when was i ever prepared for exams?
pls let it be over soon...
pls stop dreaming! focus! n focus on the right thing!
`love
4/26/2006 03:36:00 pm
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Jang Zhang - To Be Loved
I can see your face everywhere I go
But everywhere is nowhere without you
It seemed to be like days, jus a moment in time
But it meant the world to me cos I knew
What I've been searching for all of my life
I had it right here, in front of my eyes
What I've wished for is nothing compared
Do I ever see, that you're here with me
Chorus:
And if you never come back
And today was all that we have
And if I won't see tomorrow with you
In my arms, it won't matter because
Now I know what it's like
To be in love
You're so far away, but I feel you're so near
It’s like you've never left me, never said goodbye
I can hear your voice in the crowd
I can feel you touch me right now
I can see your smile when I close my eyes
And I hold on to that every night
To help me understand, when I ask myself why
Of all the people out there
Jus to be with me, to shield all the sorrow
And if you never come back
And today was all that we have
And if I won't see tomorrow with you
In my arms, it won't matter because
Now I know what it's like
To be your love
What a beautiful thing, to feel your love within
Like a child out sing to sunshine on the first day of spring
Just to know it's true
There is someone like you
Who can make me believe
There is nothing I can do
Chorus x1
couldn't find the lyrics to this song. it's a nice song. jy sent it to me. wonder who's the singer.. nv heard of her... n so i figured out the lyrics on my own. yesss.. play the song and pause it after every line to write out the lyrics. it's a nice song. i hope the lyrics is right. erm.. u gotta understand that i cant really make out some words some time.. this is the best i can go man...
so what does it feels like to be in love? or to be loved?
`love
4/25/2006 10:34:00 pm
i really tried my best for this morning's paper.
i swear i did all i could.
i studied really hard this time round.
i revised way ahead of time.
and yet i let go of so many questions in the paper.
35 marks worth of blanks.
i don't see how well i can perform.
oh well, it's over too... and there's nothing i can do. all the others felt that the paper was tough too... so i wasnt the only one... hope there'll be moderation...
quite stoned right now.. feel so tired... slept at 3 last night.. it's a total no no.. cos i have a morning paper today. but i know i gotta finish the revision paper, or i'll enter the exam hall with regrets. i managed to complete it. now i'm lack of sleep.
maybe taking a short nap.. maybe.. hmm..
a million n one things on my mind
`love
4/25/2006 02:20:00 pm
i dun deny that i'm terribly afraid of insects (yes!! ALL insects!!) but i tend to look for ways to end their life, so as to stop them from disturbing me and distracting me in my work.
and guess wat i did to a tiny moth today?
it was flying and flying around my table lamp, and infront of my lappy screen. i got so irritated, i decided to find a way to kill it. n so i took 2 used lightsticks, attached a long scotch tape with the sticky side facing out, and tried to swap at the moth. n so it eventually got stuck to the scotchtape and died. cleaned up the remaining mess of moth powder on my table using more scotchtape.
it's jus too bad for it to appear in front of me while i'm studying. heh heh. oh well, if it's bigger, u would have heard my screams. if it's a cockroach, u would have seen me running out of the room for help. but ah well, it's a tiny moth. soorie!
ok.. back to math.
i love math i love math i love math
`love
4/25/2006 12:14:00 am
Monday, April 24, 2006
the chem paper this morning was total crap.. it's ok.. i expected nothing less then crap anything... sigh.. don't wish for more.. can pass can already...
got back my ALS101 research paper... i've got a B-... i tink my overall grade for ALS101 would be more or less a B- already.. since i scored B- for my 2 readers response, main research paper, as well as the in-class graded reflection. hmmm... nvm la.. so be it.. my language is not good.. be contented with a B-.
now on for math... hope to do better for my both math modules.. i really spent alot of time on them... i'm praying for the best...
`love
4/24/2006 06:45:00 pm
Sunday, April 23, 2006
i'm stressed. it feels like last sem this time. i cant help feeling worried.
it feels like impending doom.
i feel as though i'm gonna lose the battle tmr.
i cant be a brave soldier.
i jus wanna cry
`love
4/23/2006 09:34:00 pm
ooooh... i must blog this down man... i'm such an idiot when it comes to cooking.. u guys noe wat? i cooked hotdog without oil!!!
that's not the best part.. the 1st time i tried it, i cooked it with cheese. erm.. shredded cheese bought from ntuc. n of cos the cheese got stuck!! terribly stuck... oh well.. at least the hotdog is cooked.. so i ate it wif a slice of bread.
had a hard time washing the pot.. filled it with water to let the base (cheese base) come off easily. n i scrub n scrub to get the cheese out.
brilliant me!! i'm feel like trying it out again, this time with egg. n so i mix the cut hotdog with egg n sesame oil n soy sauce (well, that's all the sauce i have in hall) and thinking that the pot might not get stuck too badly this time eound cos of the sesame oil. great. i was totally wrong. the pot got stuck again. a thin layer of chao ta egg got stuck on the pot. but like the previous time, i managed to get the hotdog cooked, and with the remaining egg that didnt get stuck to the base. this time, i ate it wif 2 slices of bread.
n so i have to go through the whole routine of filling the pot with water to get the base (egg base this time) clean. n so i go through the whole process of scrubbing the pot again. oh how dumb.
that's how stupid i can get... hahaa... but it's an experience. (bad experience!!) n that's how my lunch for today went. hahahaa... cant stop laughing. cant imagine what the face of the ppl would be if they saw what i did... oh man...
silly me silly me...
anyway.. i tink i sounded better than i was last night. yesterday was terrible. today i woke up getting everything right. it's a good day!
i have 75% of inorg chem to go... jy have 66.666...% of whatever he's studying. by 5pm, we're gonna hit 50% at least. here i go!! inorg chem!!! whahahhaa
`love
4/23/2006 04:09:00 pm
Saturday, April 22, 2006
things didnt turn out right...
or maybe it's jus because i'm too tired...
tried so hard to study all day n night for the past few days. all i managed to complete was math. yes. both math modules. went swimming wif emmy on fri afternoon, had a good break, had a good swim (5 laps - to & fro), had a good workout. but other then that, it's all been studying and trying to study. well of cos, trying to study took up more time then the real studying did (as usual).
decide to indulge in a little on fri night. so me, geri, and emmy went to jy's hall for mahjong. it's a super duper ultra slow mahjong game can. haha.. we played 1 round for 6 freaking hours!! *faints* but of cos, that include mac supper and lots of chats. we ordered mac for supper, and ended up looking for the mac guy in the rain cos he waited at the sheltered walkway instead of coming in to hall 16. oh well, the walk under the rain (wif an umbrella) wif geri is worth it! haha.. cos the mac delivery guy is super cute. he is really super CUTE!! ok.. enuf of this. ppl might think i'm desperate.. lol.. i'm not!! heh..
slept like a log till 12 noon. went back to hall to grab my stuff and went to prata place for lunch. wanted to eat prata, but no more liao. so ended up eating wanton noodle instead. the noodle didnt turn out to be as nice as i expected it to be... n i didnt get to eat my prata. bah.. n that's when the whole bad started. went to pasir ris mac to study while waiting for band to start at 6.30. i tried so hard to study, only to end up studying only 1.5 chapters!! can u believe it? a few hours for 1.5 chapters. sigh.. it's short chapters. and then this rowdy group of students have to come in a group of more then 10, laughing and shouting the whole time in mac. n they sat BESIDE me. -_-" nvm.. i used to be like this too. n i didnt tink i was irritating to others. perhaps they thought the same way too. cant imagine i'm gonna face teenagers for the rest of my life as a teacher. i tink i'll go nuts. it's ok.. they left after eating. n so i had some peace. but still couldnt concentrate at all. went for band shortly after that.
met up wif emma dearie.. so long never see her already. missed her so much. thx emma for the 2 cards and the postcard. it's veri sweet of u.. *huggs* i treasure it alot... both the cards and our friendship.
n so i went for the mjc alumni band prac.. hoping that it'll be a good one. i was initially already pretty upset over not being to make it for tkband outdoor band comp today.. n so i thought going for mjcab prac will make up for it. cos i hate to see my junoirs upset over attendence. they're really worried about the upcoming concert. 1 played 2 out for 5 today, for princess mononoke. and my playing totally SUX. argh.. cant pitch high notes.. actually it's not that i cant pitch it. i only cant pitch it when i'm playing solo. i cant play solo at all. so irritating. i jus dun have the confidence for it. i swear my heart was beating so fast it nearly dropped out. for the whole night, i couldnt hold my horn up because my hands were trembling. i dunno if i'm jus plain tired, or i'm worried about the solo. i-jus-cant-play. sigh... played noah's ark for the first time jus now. it's a super nice song. i totally love it. at least that managed to make me a little happier, but not enough to overcome the sadness i felt through the day. was talking to emma about us fitting into mjcab. we felt a little out. our juniors are so closely bonded, while we are only the ones who started everything from scratch to let them have a proper path to walk on. afterall, they been through so much more. they had 2 competition, 1 overseas trip, 2 band camps, and alot more. while us? we're left with nothing. we missed the competition yr cos we were too new to compete, we were not allowed to have band camps in our yr, we didnt get to go overseas. i guess these things are ineveitable. i'm glad jus to have emma wif me. we've been through so much to get the band started. she being the president had gone through so much pain to make sure everything is in place. i salute her for that. i miss the times we spent in mjc band. endless times chatting non-stop. eagerly planning out next band outing n stuff like that. i miss those days.
anyway, i managed to go home after band prac, and not having to travel back to boonlay to hall. i lied to my mum that i went studying (my dad says it's fine). n my mum suay suay call me during band prac, and i suay suay pressed the answer button. i hope she didnt hear the band music. i tink she didnt. cos she didnt talk about it when i got home. i told her my phone was low on batt. i off-ed my phone throughout band prac.
i cabbed back to home. didnt feel well at all. feel like i'm so drained out. i'm so tired. had cramps too... n headache... and feeling moody... everything jus adds up... grrrr....
i can no longer study for tonight. starting afresh tmr morning, and have to complete the whole module by tmr. or i'm screwed.
oh well, i tink i'm screwed either way.
n my bad day n pms isnt helping at all. i tink i'm going to sleep. bless me guys...
noah's ark - song of hope. i'll be with you, way high up, or way down low...i jus wanna cry...
`love
4/22/2006 11:04:00 pm
Friday, April 21, 2006
| Your Love Life Secrets Are |
 Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.
You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.
You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go. |
Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed
`love
4/21/2006 11:02:00 pm
Thursday, April 20, 2006
from a ktv session, to chit chat sessions, to midnight walks, to sleepovers.
from calling to name, to nickname, to dear and darling.
from occasional meet ups, to daily chauffering.
from a friend hug, to a passionate hug.
and then to let it be gone overnight.
stars taken down.
names torn away.
room shifted.
last lightstick lit up.
no more tears
no more silly things done for u.
it's jus me and my happie life.
`love
4/20/2006 01:08:00 pm
lighted my last tiny lightstick.
marks an end to everything
or at least i hope it does.
`love
4/20/2006 03:38:00 am
"hop on to my shoulders, i'll carry u on ur mugging journey"u asked if i've hopped on the last train bound for mugging. i said nope. n so u asked me to hop on ur train. we're all headed to the same destination, with a same goal. u promised to bring lots of fuel on board, along with ur machinery, and my math.
thanx jy.
`love
4/20/2006 01:05:00 am
1000 - woke up from long sleep
1030 - slack
1100 - still slack
1130 - more slacking
1200 - maggie for lunch
1300 - continue slacking
1400 - nap
1800 - woke up from long nap
1900 - dinner at can 14
2030 - tv
2100 - still on tv
2200 - chat
2300 - fries for supper
and now? i'm blogging... 1 whole day gone...
geetha say i ought to be shot.
someone pls shoot me...
gonna try to salvage my day (yes! entire day!!) by studying through the night later... hope i can get into the studying mood n stop slacking...
my brown slippers is finally here!! hahaa.. that jus made it my 4th pair of slippers... so now i have (in hall) 1 pair of heels, 2 pair of court shoes, 1 pair of sport shoes, 3 pairs of flats, 4 pair of slippers...
someone pls kill me!!!
at least my brown slippers only cost me 6.30.. haha... bought it online u see? lol...
hmmm... study study study... nie library tmr? lol... hmmm... maybe i should...
`love
4/20/2006 12:13:00 am
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
exams is scary. it make ppl behave weirdly. sometimes it cause ppl to suddenly be lost for words, become super quiet. sometimes it cause ppl to mumble rumble something every few mins. sometimes it cause whining and more whining. it may also lead to lost of appetite, or a sudden regain of appetite which then leads to unnecessary meals and food intake. it may cause lost of sleep, or the direct opposite which is unnecessary extra sleep jus to avoid studying.
it's past 3am now. what am i doing at such unearthly hour of the day?
i'm attempting to do this past yr exam paper, and prepare myself for tmr's consultation. i know it sound stupid having to plan this consultation session myself, and result in not having anything to ask my tutor. what will he say? all i know is that i got to have this consultation session. it's something i cant do without. regardless whether i have questions to ask or not, i still have to keep it going. my tutor have high hopes on me, i have high hopes on myself. i gotta do well. at least in this module.
since young, i always set high expectation for any math paper i have. simply because math is my fav subject. despite all the falls i experienced in JC, all the failing and not performing well, math still remained top on my list of fav subjects. n despite failing calculus last sem, and having to take it again next sem, math is still a subject i like most. i got to do well for it. i got to be able to graduate and be a good teacher in the future. one who inspire her students, and invoke in them the passion for math, and of cos, perform well for it.
ahh.. i'm thinking too far. firstly, i don't even know if i can be a good teacher, let alone one who inspire her students. i don't even know if i can teach. i guess i jus gotta take one step at a time. learn all i can, and give it my best shot.
where has my confidence gone to? my junoir once told me, the only way i can have confidence in myself, is being able to believe in myself. present myself as a confident person, then it'll come naturally to me next time. it's jus like playing a solo. if being nervous or not confident will not gain me any better playing, then might as well not. so the only way to be confident, is to let others know through my playing and expression that i am confident. it'll make me more open to obstacle in the future.
will i be able to beat this stress? i seriously don't know.
exam is in a week's time. and i have yet to study for all 3 modules to be tested in that week. i don't know how i'm going to complete them all in time, i jus know i gotta do it by hook or by crook.
my organic chem overall CA grade is a C. to be honest, i'm pretty contented with this grade initially. until i realised that scoring a C made me the third lowest scorer in the class. 1 got D, another D+. god knows who they are. no one failed. think the tutor did tremendous moderation. i got one of my friend telling me "u are good lor. no need to study so much also managed a C. i study so hard got B+." it made me think alot. what did she mean by that? did she mean i didnt deserve my C? or did she mean she deserve something better? i cant help feeling there's sarcasm in her words. this time round i'm going to study very very hard alright? i'm gonna prove to all of you the results i'm capable of (that's provided i have the time and mood to complete the required studying). there're so many smarter ppl out there. some who only require half of the time i need to complete whatever i have on hand. but i'm not one of them alright? i simply take ages to finish studying a particular module. it's so tough it can kill. i wanna die...
unknowingly typed so much... guess it's time for me to get back to the past yr paper. need to complete it. lets say i take 3 hrs... i tink i'm not going to sleep until 6am in the morning. consultation is at 10.30. wish me luck.
`love
4/18/2006 03:17:00 am
Sunday, April 16, 2006
grrr... i got bluffed again!!!
i always do.
this time, it's christine that the mastermind. haha.. i told her her display pic in msn looked like her at first glance. but den looked like an actress when i look at it a second time.. den she told me it's actually her. she went for a makeover. brilliant job! i believed her. -_-" that's still alright.. she cok up a shop name n a place --- hollywood secrets at paragon, and got the rest of the gang to bluff me too!! n so jocelyn, jill, n lynn were all in it.
now they were all rolling on the floor. cant contain the laughter. hahaaa...
that's not all. when i came back from shower, joce ask me to go look for lynn. she have things to tell me... so i went to her room, where lynn bluffed me 2 more other times. first she tell me that joce have a veri serious thing to tell me. she wanna ask me to seriously consider the make over or smt... make it a gang thing... den.. she say it's bluff me one.. the serious thing she wanna tell me is that the makeover is actually baddd... cos it spoils ur hair... n make it frizzy... the place cheat money one... she sounded so serious that i tot it's real... until she tell me once again that it's NOT what she wanted to say. so the real truth came. christine didnt go for a makeover afterall.
grrrr
look like her at first glance can? hahaa. chris, be flattered. the actress in my sassy girl is so pretty lor... n to think that i fell for the trick! oh man.. u'r really pretty too...
ok la.. enuf of the nonsense. i destressed enuf for today. was going crazy... no appetite n all... math is driving me nuts... n chem has yet to come... i believe chem is gonna be 10 or 100 times worse...
went to watch a movie on fri night. Eight Below. it's super nice can.. i wanna watch it again... i simply love the movie.. the huskies in there are so cuteeee!!! maya is my fav.. =) the movie is exciting and sad at some parts... i teared at a number of scenes. so touching... it totally portraits the relationship between human n dogs. dogs behave like human too. the scenes on them are soooo "human-ise". i love it...
didnt go for band on sat... still feel wuite guilty about it. but face it. exams are more impt rite? soorie guys... i wanted to go... until i realise i havent reached my quota for the day, and besides, it's a thunderstorm out there. with super loud lightning n thunder... haiz... will go only after exams ba..
tried veri hard to study these few days, but it jus cant seemed to work out. i tink i'm gonna find some place with a more condusive environment. this cant go on forever.
meanwhile, i'm so totally looking forward to after exams... a ktv session with my nie friends on the day number theory paper finishes, more ktv session with the band ppl, outings with the hall ppl, and of cos, outings and more outings with my gang! joce, lynn, jill, chris, vril, n kw... no running away! haha... esp joce, lynn, chris n jill... we're going shopping!!! lol... and perhaps to chapter 2 to do our hair!! lol.. so exciting... n maybe a sentosa trip... or another zoo trip.. or wild wild wet? or... facial? a real makeover? oh man... i cant wait...
for once, i tot i was suffering from depression... like.. i keep thinking i'm not gonna make it for exams... going to fail everything... cannot finish studying... i'm lousy... but each time i tink of my after-exams-plans, i no longer feel that way... i guess it's jus exam stress...
alright... gonna get back to work..
*yawn* i feeling like sleeping again. darn.
`love
4/16/2006 10:50:00 pm
Saturday, April 15, 2006
i took a nap after all.
blast... that makes me 3 hrs behind my schedule.
a conversation between liya n jasen:
J: go eat dinner la.. come on..
L: it's fine.. i shall cook maggie later..
J: y? we're going out to eat.. come on n lets go..
L: cannot.. i havent finish studying.. i still have so much!
J: dun bother la.. everybody else also cannot finish.. u'r not the only one!
L: no, but i really cannot finish la.. no time liao..
J: come on la! u'r not PRC!! only PRC can finish studying ok? my goodness.. u'r a singaporean.. so it's normal for u to not finish.. everybody else like us always complain cannot finish one la.. no one really finishes before the exam..
in the end, liya still chose maggie... but it somehow hold some truth... it seems like only PRC can finish studying the entire syllabus.. sigh.. we are such procrastinators.. even if we're not, we still dun have the ability to finish... y???? sigh
i only jus finished eating my dinner an hour ago... and now i'm thinking of prata.. oh god.. i hate this... i by hook or by crook have to start my chem module by TONIGHT. i have about an hour to finish my math. i better fufill this.. or i'll never get to finish math, n i'll never get to start chem.. it's absolutely disastrous!!!
can exams start a month later?
or can we not have exams at all?
silly thought. i know. that day will never come...
prata prata prata prata prata...
eh.. nooo no no no.. it should be -- fat fat fat fat fat.
math math math math math
chem chem chem chem chem
~chant continues...
`love
4/15/2006 10:10:00 pm
rain rain rain
in MY terms: nua nua nua
is there anything else i can do on such a weather? where out there it's pouring like mad, wind howling, cold cold weather...
no.. there's nothing much i can do other then to nua around...
n this definitely spells trouble.. i'm only left with a week... and i havent touch on the 3 module tested the week after next. i'm so screwed.
didnt go for band... how to go in such a weather? n when u have yet to meet yor quota for the day? i MUST learn to be more discipline... or i'll never finish my studying...
great.. jus as i mention i should start my work n be more discipline, i totally feel like sleeping now... should i go take a nap? or should i not?
should i? or not?
should i? or not?should i? or not?
`love
4/15/2006 04:36:00 pm
Thursday, April 13, 2006
whoo~ wat an experiment... haha.. i'm having cheese omelette here! yessss self-cooked. but it didnt turn out that well as expected.. lol.. i cant really cook.. heee.. maybe except for maggie.. whahaaha...
i'm sooo sick of canteen food already.. siann... really wanna try cooking a meal myself.. but i tink it's pretty hard.. considering i'm really not good at cooking, and dun cook at home... it's ok.. one day, i'll be able to achieve that.. haha
time to get down to studying.. argh.. not again.. yesss... it's getting on my nerves these days jus to see my notes, as clean as brand new, like as if it's the first time i'm flipping it... (yes indeed,
it is the first time i'm looking at it. considering i didnt even use it during lecture as i was busy doing some other stuff.)
but oh well.. all of us gotta get through this... we will...
`love
4/13/2006 01:37:00 pm
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
as quoted from geetha dearest,
"dun give up. shit always happens, but u see, the shitting process cant go on forever can it?"yea.. the shitting process will eventually stop... i can do it...
now with relations to some affairs of the heart...
"no matter how hard it is, there'll always be a way."first love is always a very unforgetable experience. no matter how many wrongs there can be (or there was), it'll always be a perfect flawless one in your heart. sigh... it's a love-hate thing towards first love... but i believe that if u really wanna get over it, u can.
`love
4/12/2006 12:33:00 am
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
well... jus thought that the lyrics of the song "behind these hazel eyes" by kelly clarkson would apply to me back in december. no longer now. =)
i really do believe in coincidence. cos it happened to me twice in a week. too coincidental... right geri? but guess wat? it no longer mattered to me.. i'm glad things went this way.
now for the 51th thing i found out for myself, or rather, someone pointed it out:
51. i've been experiencing miracles.thanx. that's all i can say to u.
`love
4/11/2006 01:41:00 am
"Behind These Hazel Eyes"
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
`love
4/11/2006 01:33:00 am
Monday, April 10, 2006
oh man... i jus told jinyuan i'm not going to blog for tonight... cos i blogged TOO many times yesterday n today... oh god.. look wat i did? i blogged!!!
*faint*
now i'm up with my veri own 50 things u might wanna know (or already know) about me! lol
1. i don't eat veg. my only dosage of veg is from the wonton my mum cook for me once in a while.
2. i had an operation on my left knee in sec 4. n i fainted of fright in the operation theatre before the doc could inject anaesthetic to numb my knee. haha
3. i'm short, but i'm not the shortest in my family! (my mum is not even 150)
4. my bro who is 10 yrs older then me is 187cm tall! (ppl always say we don't look like siblings.. haha)
5. i fell down in the lecture theatre during the first few weeks of lesson. and the place i fell is quite front, so everybody behind saw my fall! eeks..
6. i play block catching until the age of 19.
7. i don't have any boyfriend before.
8. i fall in love easily, but always have trouble getting out of it.
9. i'm a really indecisive person.
10. i'm nocturnal.
11. i once started a conversation with a person i saw on the bus, only to realise i mistook her as my friend!
12. alot of ppl mistook me for a salesgirl, be it in giordano, department store, or even topshop! *piang*
13. i lost my wallet more then 3 times already.
14. the only time i had short hair was when i was 4yrs old n below!
15. i was in taf club when i'm in primary school... hahaa... i'm fat!
16. i dunno how to watch the road when i cross one. so watch out for me!
17. i love jogging! (nah.. i jus love to lose fats that's all)
18. i was in english remedial classes for 6 consecutive yrs! wow.. it really sux! haha..
19. i love the sea n soak my feet in them.
20. i've never watched a proper sunrise before (someone bring me there!!)
21. i spilled hot tea once on a customer when i was working in sushi tei as a waitress.
22. i obtained the "gold" cert in swimming, but i still cant swim very well! darn..
23. i learnt cycling only at the age of 13. n i didnt fall while learning it! i fell only after i knew how to cycle.. hahahaa
24. i snipped off the hair of my barbie doll, thinking it will grow again like how mine grows. it's when i'm young ok? haha.. i know it's retarded.
25. i've never cheated in exam before. but minor ones like chinese ting xie, countless times. haha..
26. i'm late 99% of the times of lessons, be it in secondary school, jc, or now.
27. when i first pierce my ear in primary sch, i screamed so loud in pain that the shopowner next door thought someone robbed the shop. heh
28. the 1st time i tried pasta was when my friend (lynn n jill) and i cooked them together! it turned out good ok?
29. i tried my hamster's chocolate treat before... eeek.. it's quite bland.. unlike human choc..
30. i mistook condoms for sweets when i was really young. i even beg my mum to buy it for me! and i got the cashier staring at me... oops...
31. i love crispy fries.. but i like nua noodles.. haha
32. i didnt do anything to my hair (e.g. style, rebond, perm, dye) until age of 19!
33. i smell my pillow/bolster to sleep.
34. i have a fetish for organising notes. hahaa... weird fetish i know..
35. i cant eat beef cos i'm a buddhist. but i eat them anyway. uh-oh.
36. i was scared of ants when i'm young.
37. i stepped into the wrong toilet once. used the cubicle, came out, only to find a man staring at me! good thing he's not peeing! (oh how could i have missed the urinal?) blur blur blur
38. i used to think that ppl have sex jus by sleeping next to a person wif opposite sex on the bed! silly me.. i was so afraid to sleep next to my dad when i had that thought in me.. whahaha
39. i once hurt my fingers by closing the door on them while going out, and 5 mins later when i returned to my room and went out again, i hurt my toes by closing on them (cos i concentrate too much on not slamming them on my fingers the second time round).
40. i try out my sister's clothes and imagine i'm an adult when i was much younger.
41. i was embarressed by my mum by having her to shout my name so loudly with one of her foot on the bus, another on the road. (she was shouting for me to hurry up get on before the bus leave.)
42. i love to make jelly!
43. i'm a super heavy sleeper! my whole family calls me a pig...
44. my highest record is having 18 miss calls attempting to wake me up and finally answered the 19th one.
45. i dun like to wash my hair when i was young (yucks).. now i find it unbearable to not wash them daily!
46. i love to take photos!! but i dun tink i'm photogenic...
47. i wanna own a volkswagen beetle! yellow colour one!!
48. i've nv worn a bikini in my life so far!
49. i once nodded and gave my best smile at a caucasian while he's talking to me (when i was working at sushi tei, serving him), without catching a word he's saying! he spoke too fast for me!
last but not least......
50. i have fat thighs!!!!!!!!!
argh... it's so hard to come up wif 50 things... but i made it! yea.. it's a result of boredom.. can destress also.. hahaa... no more nua-ing tmr liao.. lol...
have a good laugh guys..
smile, cheer up, be happie!
`love
4/10/2006 01:53:00 am
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I know this come a little late.. but late is better then never right?
first photo from left is the gang, followed by the sq ones, den feet from the gang, and last but not least, the birthday gal!! [bday girl on left is avril (my roomie) haha.. bday gal on right is zhusiling (jocelyn)]
from left, gang without kw at thai express, me n lynn advertising thai express, and lastly, me, lynn n christine acting cute (hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil. hehheh)
gang again. this time, photo is being rotated 4 times to 4 different angle to see everybody! nice pic! we have all our tongue to the right. hahahaa... (yessss.. childish.. i noe.. hahaa)
`love
4/09/2006 05:30:00 pm
Saturday, April 08, 2006
i dun wanna grow up
i dun wanna face the mess i've gotten into
i dun wanna study complicated chapters
i dun wanna think like an adult
i dun wanna fall in love
i dun wanna fall out of love after falling in love
i dun wanna think about complicated issues
i only wanna stay this way...
in fact.. i wanna stay carefree and happie
be silly
be innocent
think like a child
abandon burden of exams
i wanna be me...
it's all a dreamcos i noe things will nv go the way i want them to be
`love
4/08/2006 10:14:00 pm
two weeks past in a wink of eye.
i survived.
of cos it's not a perfect ending
i failed 2 out of 3 test i had,
managed to finish both lab report in exchange wif my lunch
skipped lunch the following day too due to project work
but project was safely done n handed up
essay done, but very last minute
graded reflection didnt go very well
presention was very unprepared
at least i'm still alive.
ended this 2 horrid weeks with 16 hours of sleep on friday.
topped it up with a good meal at blooies
now i'm on for the next battle -- the exams.
i'll make sure i eat finish everything on the spot.
i wun waste food again.
after a brain check
i made sure it's still pretty intact.
it must be in good condition to see me through my exams
now i'm in for a heart check.
yea. it's still there, still a whole.
i'm confused.
but i'm not as confused as before.
i hate to make the wrong decision
and i don't ever wanna make the wrong decision again.
i'm not about to make the same mistake again.
i'll be a mature girl.
i'll think logically.
but it's hard... i wanna be innocent and silly
`love
4/08/2006 04:13:00 pm
Thursday, April 06, 2006
smelling the morning air once more
in the really very early morning
when it's time for some to wake up for work
when it's time for some to start leaving for work
i'm here attempting to finish my essay
without sleeping a wink for the entire night.
the last time i did this (for studying) was when i was rushing my classroom management essay through the night. i slept from 2+ and woke up at 3+ and continued all the way until 8 in the morning where i changed and headed straight for tutorial.
now it's essay once more.
noticed the trend?
it's always me rushing some form of assignment that lead to my lack of sleep and lack of time for meals. i'm forever a last minute worker.
arghhhh
it's such a romantic night
a night for sweet reminince
a night for a short break in work
a night to celebrate
but what am i doing?
writing a research paper.
-current state: 1466/2500 words-
`love
4/06/2006 05:28:00 am
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
did i mention that essay is murderous?
now i'm telling u
IT IS.
look what it had done to me n u'll noe...
`love
4/05/2006 06:57:00 pm
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
went to thai express to celebrate zhu si ling (jocelyn) and roomie (avril) 's bday! food was great! took super alot of photos as usual... woohoo~~
now i'm super full... hahahaa
it's all a coincidental coincidence.*psycho myself that it is*
`love
4/04/2006 11:59:00 pm
happie birthday to zhu si ling, roomie, and sal sal!!!! =)
`love
4/04/2006 11:57:00 pm
Sunday, April 02, 2006
have u ever wondered
y do all of us find it hard to let go of someone significant in our life, even though the someone might not mean anything anymore?
how come love always like to go in circles, encircling more than 2 ppl at 1 time?
y is it always the case of 2 ppl wif different personality getting attracted to each other?
how is it possible to have a person who have hurt u so badly, but yet u dun hate or blame him at all?
y do we always fall for the same person, even after knowing things are virtually impossible to work out?
i don't wanna use the above to quote any other ppl... i dunno how many others out there actually feel the same way as i do... but yea, all the above are true to a certain extend. or i wouldnt list it out.
love.
is it that magical?
or is it jus another painful process?
`love
4/02/2006 01:09:00 pm
retail therapy with geri dear is fantastic! haha... bought alot of stuff. bought 2 tops, nope.. 3. cos 1 is used as a double layer... but it can also be worn separately. i also bought a handbag (my first one), and a pair of flats! so happie.. hahaa... geri also met her goals of the trip man.. she managed to get most of the things on her list.. lol... went to starbucks to chill out with jinyuan.. n den went to his room to chill ou through the night. yes. mahjong again. haha... so that means that today is reserved for a whole day of studying, nothing else.
`love
4/02/2006 12:16:00 pm
