sigh...supposed to have gone to lynn & jill's place to play/burn lantern and burn candles.... today is mid-autumn festival anyway... somehow... i'm still here at home, blogging...... soorie guys i couldn't make it.. i have my reasons....

nothing is going right... not in any aspect of my life... i've no idea how to gain back my confidence, after i last lost it in the battle.... nothing is going right... nothing is....... nothing.........*sobz*

yesterday was supposed to be the square one day.. supposed to have spent the whole at orchard, and have an entire day of fun!!! but it was called off... lynn & jill had a big fight wif their dad.. yea... guess i need not continue wad happened next... hmmm... but it's ok.. i was telling jocelyn, 2 months from now and we'll be free! really waiting for that day.. well.. it is not that long.. is it? haha... 2 months.... hmmmm..... hahaaa...

no orchard.... but still, i went to tamp. wif jocelyn to watch the new police story.. it was fabulous!!! the actor in there are so shuai!! hahaa... love all the stunts! love the whole movie!! it is certainly a must watch!!! hahahaa....

saw this heels that i like alot... and it only cost 29.90! well.. it may seemed ex to some ppl, but it is on discount... it used to cost 49.90! hmmm.... wondering if i should buy it... it is not easy for me to come across a pair of heels that i like... yes.. and i don't really wear heel somemore... hahaa.... buying it for the sake of gradnight... spending big time just for that event... hahahaa.... yea... it had to be grand right? hahahaa...

feel pretty bad for not going to the thai restaurant place wif lynn & jill yesterday... their dad got this voucher thingy... and said that they can bring 2 friends along... hmmm... jocelyn can't go.. dat's y i didn't go afterall...

went home and stayed at home alone till 9pm, when the first other person came home (except for myself) haha... went into a cleaning spree last night, and cleaned up my room... it is about time to tidy it though... =) feel so good after cleaning it... i not longer have to walk on dusty floor... hahahaaa.....

oh ya.... did i mention that i was going to wild wild wet on thursday?? it ws postponed to next thurs/ fri/ next next tue... hahaa... yea.. now it feels like it have to be postponed till 2 months later too... hmmm.. it's ok.. we can go anytime.. as long as we have fun when we are there... no point going and worrying during the trip... we shall wait.. hahahaa.....

yea.. everything is going on pretty well again... the sicky mood is practically gone le... and my oh-so-happie days are back... =) take care guys!!

watched wind struck (ye man shi jie) at avril's house today. we had a great time crying. haha.. it was such a funny scene. 4 of us, christine, jocelyn, lynn, and me, were sitting on the 3 sitter sofa. joce and me started sobbing real bad when the male lead actor died. it was so sad!!! wah..!! and then christine started crying.... lynn is busy passing tissue to all of us. and from that scene onwards, till the end of the movie, i couldn't stop crying. *sobz* at the supposedly saddest part, lynn cried!! kahwoon took note of the time. hahahaa.. it was 1427. =P can't blame her for crying anyway... she was stuck between me and jocelyn.. and both of us cried the most.... haha... yea.. it's a very sad show.. very very touching!!!! love it so much! when i got home, i started folding the windmill thingy in the show, and now i'm d/l-ing windstruck soundtrack. hahaa... i'm hopelessly in love wif the movie... lalalala~~

can't stop thinking about the show... "when i'm not with you, feel the wind... because when i die, i wanna be the wind." awww.. "live on and tell me the exciting happenings in your life. whisper to the wind. i'll hear it" the female lead actress really went to feel the wind.. she folded a lot of wind mill thingys, so that when the wind comes, she'll know. she mark the 49th day from the day the her boyfriend died.. she said that she'll make sure she found him before the 49th day, when he leaves her forever... she tried means and ways to die, but failed. it's not time for her to go yet. on the 49th day, she actually saw him!! i cried like siao lor... it was so sad.... he did alot of things for her! he painted the black keys on the piano white, because she didn't wanna play on the black keys because of her sister who passed away... so touching...... man......

if i watch the show 10 times, i'm sure to cry 10 times... miss the show so much...

feeling horrid... my mood is getting from bad to worse... issit due to stress?? or some hormonal change thingy?? sigh.. i was supposed to feel better... seems like a cycle.. i was alright in the morning.. but in the night...... guess i better keep my mouth shut.. or else i'm going to agitate all the ppl around me...

ahhh!!!! argh..!! wat's wrong with me??!!! i forgot to record my all time favourite show! darn...

~why does love always have to get in the way of a perfectly good friendship anyway?

~some people fall in love.
maybe i crashed into it.

both 'quotes' are taken from jill's blog. she made it up herself. i thought it was pretty true and hence copied and pasted it in my blog. really love the poem thingys they came up wif. they are naturals. haha.. don't you think those quotes above are so true?

chemistry is once again screwed. chem prac is a complete let down. i actually left the whole design question blank! wat's wrong with me and not finishing all the chem papers i had so far? it's already not easy to score, and i'm here giving marks away. it sure does not feel good to see the questions left blank and yet not able to write the answers down despite knowing them. yes. history is repeating itself. but things are happening longer then it seems to be. when will all the agony end?

heard some ppl once say this:
ppl who are cheerful outside are most often sad and lonely at home.
while ppl who seldom talk outside are really happie at home.

do you believe it?

i think that there is alot of things inside my mind, my heart. so much i don't even know where to start talking about it. yesterday was a disaster. my mood was originally veri good, because my friends came over and we had a good time. however, things changed so fast in the night. almost had a sleepless night. i cried myself to sleep. it was another one of those emotional days. i always try to keep myself happie but sometimes you know you just need to cry. didn't talk much about it, because i didn't wanna rely too much on my friends. didn't know wat had gotten into me yesterday that caused me to think this way. too many things are happening at the same time. so much till i can't take it anymore. y do i get mood swings so easily?

i tend to forget things easily. that's y i appered alright today in school. but forget doesn't mean not being able to remember it again.

sigh. overwrought.

diao~ i've no idea how come this stupid blogskin is so retarded... i don't want the words to be bold.. and so i took away the bold thingy in the templete... now the 1st 3 posts is bold, and the rest is not.... sigh... i've no idea wat is happening to it... hahahhahaa.....

i like this current skin... (even though i like the previous one too) =P can put alot of things at the side column... hahaa

anyway.. back to the maths paper 2 i did this morning, it was horrible.. i left 27 marks worth of questions blank in section A (pure maths section, total 34 marks). i could do e stats part, but still felt it was not gd... i totally left qn 2(a), 3, 4, 5 blank!!! wat's getting into me? i can't even find the first link to the question! it's really frustrating... argh.. i don't used to react this way to maths questions... man.....prelims is still overall very sucky... or rather, extremely sucky...

argh.... i don't want the words to be bold....

one word.
the same word.
"screwed".

i only have one way to describe the econs case study i did earlier in e morning (oh well, at least mcq n data response isn't that bad.)
*100% crap, facts free.

well... looking forward to my death date... prelims is simply too screwed... the chem paper is so ridiculous.. i couldn't even finish the paper despite knowing the answer... left practically 2 whole questions blank.. erm.. which is already 20+ worth of marks.. and the paper had to be over 60m. die die DIE!!!

econs is not any better..i did try to attempt the questions.. but it was a disaster.. i either only managed to do part (a), or part (b).. seriously can't see which questions are those i knew how to do both parts to it... there was this essay question on asking us which market structure do we think "Star Cruise" is in? and we are suppose to write a whole essay on it saying whether it is good or bad.... i thought it was an oligopoly... well.. but i wrote monopoly in the end.. this is my reasoning:
1) it is certainly either an oligopoly or a monopoly, but.....
2) i have 0 knowledge on oligopoly
3) if i explained monopoly, and it's right, i'll get some marks... if it's wrong, so be it...
4) if i had written oligopoly, whether it is an oli or not, i'll still not get any marks... because i wouldn't have written the correct stuff afterall...
*sigh... this is how bad it is... simply crapped my way through some of the essays.....

yea.. 4 more days of torture... sure hope A'levels is not like this... if not, i'll either die... or die... days became so mundane.. so quiet... there seemed to be nothing interesting in here.. all i could blog, are all my complains... hmmm.... well....

oh ya... not to mention that chem p3 and maths p1 was a killer... yea.. sigh... teachers are out to kill... beware...

it seems like we are all well, alive and kicking... but no one will ever understand the pain of a jc student's life, unless they been through it themselves... jc is supposed to be a more advanced education system, with a more advanced set of syllabus, definitely not one which require mostly of the basic and painstaking skill - memorising. i have to say, that it really requires alot of memorising... sigh.. it's really scary to be in jc.. i've seen my friends broke down.. well.. me too actually... last sunday, a day before the prelims, i kept feeling really uneasy.. one of those feelings which you can't put it into words easily... i tolerated till night, and decided to call jocelyn... didn't think that she was feeling worried about me!! she actually said that she felt worried because she kept having the feeling that i might be too stress up or something... man.. i really gotta salute her.. how did she know i was feeling that way?? nearly cried while talking to her.. tears were just going to flow any second.. she was so understanding.. i practically blabbered all my nonsense and stuff like that... all my fear, my anxiety, everything everything, i poured it all out... it must be really hard on her though.. she also faces stress like how i do.. and yet she needs to listen to my nonsense... well.. i'm ok now.. all thanx to jocelyn...friends are so important... =) i really hope that all my friends out there are surviving well, and not feel so stressed up.. cheer up a little, and the world will be a better place.. smile..

sigh.. i feel freaking hopeless and frustrated.. sigh........ i'm really gonna die for prelims.. while my friends are either mugging.. or mugging... or... mugging, i'm slacking, sleeping, and slacking again... really cannot get the swing to study... and brilliant work! i just started chem yesterday when paper 3 is tomorrow... only gotta say, all the best to myself...

put that aside, i wish all my friends out there all the best too.. sigh... while i go continue living my hopeless life...

ooooh... guess wat?? perhaps i can work before going to england!! haha... anyway, i have 6 months of free time.. well.. can always work for 2 months, use our allowance to pay for the expenses there.. haha... sounds like a good idea ya?? hahahahaa.... discussed it with my mum n dad just now.. n he say he is willing to pay for all my other expenses when i work.. erm.. like meals, transport... so i can save up all my salary.. hahaha... but it's too early to say anything... well.. A's is not even over yet... hmmm... jus looking forward to it... at least it keeps me going... hahhaaa...

3 days to prelims... wat am i doing online?????? ahhhhh!!!!!! *panic.. panic..* hahahaa... hmmm.... better stop here... got nothing much to update also... tok about today's malcolm frost's workshop.. nah.. don't mention.. i totally threw 30 bucks down the drain... nothing went in... can see lots of ppl sleeping too.. *it's that boring... hahaha...

Angels Brought Me Here

It's been a long and winding journey,
but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces,
and walking back into the light

Into the sunset of your glory,
where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling,
when i look into your eyes...

My dreams came true,
when i found youI found you, my miracle...

If you could see, what i see,
but you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel,
the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...

Standing here before you,
feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love,
every heartbeat speaks your name...

My dreams came true,
right here in front of you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see,
you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel,
the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...

Brought me here to be with you,
I'd be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see,
you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel,
the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...

Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...

oh man... i'm supposed to be studying... not blogging... sigh... did i mention i was really supposed to be studying?? argh.. i did.. & i think it does not take a genius to find out that i'm actually very stress here... or rather, more of worried... "when will prelims end?" is my all time favourite question for the time being... & after prelims, "when will A's end??" will be my next favourite question... these 2 dates: 21st sep & 22nd nov are the 2 dates i look forward to... the former is the last paper of prelims, & the latter is of course the last paper of A's... and only then will i be able to be free from all stress and agony... whee~

just asked my parents if i'm able to go england with jill& lynn in december... it sounds pretty cool doesn't it?? haha... my dad didn't allow me to go thailand with my friends because thailand is unsafe.. so england should not be a problem right? haha.. kahwoon say that thailand will probably kidnap girls & send them into prostitution... he say malaysia is just a little better... at least when they kidnap you in m'sia, they will not send you into prostitution immediately, as they'll most probably rape you themselves first... lol... we had a good laugh over this... both my mum and dad didn't really have any objections to that... but money poses as a very very big problem... where am i going to find so much money to travel all the way to england?? it surely cost a bomb... the air ticket alone already cost a thousand plus.. (so different from the 500+ which they mentioned earlier)... even if it really cost 500+, the shopping, the meals, all these spendings here and there will all eventually add up to at least a thousand bucks... feel that it's really unfair for my parents to work so hard, and then let me enjoy myself overseas while they suffer here... sigh.... but i really want to go...

yesterday i didn't feel like sleeping... in the end i slept at 3am... sigh... talked a lot to JunYang online.. it had been a long time since we last really chatted anyway... he is not happie... bugged down by a lot of problems.. well.. like what i said.. all unhappiness have a reason.. i don't believe he is being unreasonable or what.. couldn't really do much or help much... hope that he did not feel worse after talking to me... well.. my life is not always smooth sailing either.. and i'm trying my best to see everything with a smile.. maybe it is also a good thing that i don't remember all the unhappiness.. well... how nice it will be to be able to greet every day with a smile.. =)

it's raining over here... so nice to sleep... wat a perfect weather... but studies spoil it all... badly need a breather... oh well.. then again, it's not like as if i haven't taken any rest... i totally rested more then enough... argh.... blame it on my character... *it is physically and mentally impossible for me to stay focus at something for more then 3 hours maximum...* well.. go figure how i study at home...

can't seemed to get the mood right today. and yes, i slacked the whole day... listened to songs for the whole day... can't find anything to do... or rather, didn't have mood for anything else... so sian... think all the sad songs are getting into me... sigh...

well, talk bout yesterday ba.. went back to tk to see the teachers... miss tan is as cute as ever.. haha.. it's so nice to see her again.. she say we're still the nicest batch.. after all, we're very close to her (13 periods a week.. wat do u think?).. haha... mr tay is still as fatherly as ever too... i really miss him.. he is one super nice guy/teacher who doesn't believe in scolding... =) u rock!! saw mr ong in e d&t room... he's also the same.. didn't change at all.. still as mean... lol... he say "haha.. now u see y tk got autonomous status?? aha.. cos that lai left.." whahahhaa.... we can't help it but to burst into complete laughter... =P saw a photo ms lai took with some other big shot ppl on the d&t tool board.. the circled face is, of cos, u noe who... hahaa... they all very mean.. must be mr ong's doings... hahaaa.... there's a dot on her nose too... must had used the photo as a dart aim for their past time... lol... miss d&t so much... sigh...

went to katong shopping centre to eat.. it has been so long since the last time i've been there... ate western food.. really didn't expect them to give so much!! as usual, i couldn't finish the food.. wee keat ended up eating half the plate of food for me.. hee hee.. joce and lynn also cannot finish, and they gave all their food to zhiyang.. i'm really surprise he can finish it all.. hahaa... went to watch stepford's wives with aaron, lynn, jill, & joce.. it's a nice movie i have to say.. =) pretty funny too.. haaa... went to daniel yan to try gowns... the gowns really very very nice!!! i tried on a purple one... i actually look nice in it.. haha.. it's toga or something like that.. haa.. i don't really know all these terms... niceness.. wished i can buy it... jill & jocelyn look really nice in the gowns they chose too!!! =) can't wait for exams to be over.. then only we can go shop for all the grad nite stuff.. it's gonna be so cool!!!

went home and slacked all the way till now.. go figure.. sigh.. i must have been real bored... supposed to go to school tomorrow.. but i haven't started on the specimen paper 2 for maths... so.. wat's the purpose of going still??? haiya.. hope that by tomorrow, my mood will come, and i can get down to serious studying... if not i'm doomed... really doomed... think i slept too much today.. not that i can't sleep now, but if i do, i'll really be spending too much time in lala~ land... hahaa.... hmmm... sleep or not sleep?? sleep or not sleep???... ... ...........