Wednesday, November 30, 2005
i wanna hug u as tightly as i can,
as i let my tears roll down my cheek silently,
and feel the last comfort of being in your arms,
and then after that move on with my life...
sob...
i hate to do this...
`love
11/30/2005 10:59:00 am
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
presence.
absence.
or presence that felt like absence?
i can't... and i don't know y...
`love
11/29/2005 04:57:00 pm
night cycling is nonetheless tiring... but it's not a bad experience... i would wanna go if we hav a second trip...
i thought my stars shine again.
but the clouds had to take them away.
i thought the sun will brighten the day.
but the sun never rose.
fated?
or not.
i'm sad.
`love
11/29/2005 10:25:00 am
Monday, November 28, 2005
had spring cleaning today... now i smell like dettol... haha.. now my room is super clean.. except for the fact that it looked pretty alike before and after i cleaned it.. cos i didnt have much waste to dump of, and i didnt change much arrangement, as the arrangement was changed before this... feel really clean in the room now...
well.. u can say i am a person who is easily influenced.. but when it comes to certain things, nothing can make me change my mind on it... i've been staring at the same bloody piece of paper on the wall for near a month... the piece of paper tells me something i should do... but till now, i'm not acting to it...
numb. issit what it is? perhaps i could no longer feel...
or maybe not... cos i could feel the weird aura in the air... not completely numb perhaps... i no longer know what i should feel, or do, or look at things and how they are...
over and done with? i hope not.. getting out of everything? i'm not gonna make myself do it...
`love
11/28/2005 04:12:00 pm
all over again.
"hi. my name is serena. what about yours?"
"oh. nice to know you. =)"
eyes met all over again.
fell in once again.
i dun wanna get out of it.
`love
11/28/2005 08:51:00 am
Sunday, November 27, 2005
...if giving up was that easy...
indeed.
giving up was never easy.
that's why i chose not to.
and i have my reasons to it.
`love
11/27/2005 10:20:00 pm
truth.
that's all i want.
is there anyone missing me?
anyone fell in love with me?
ok.. back to reality.. i guess everyone can't help it but to talk about the most recent things that happened in their life. when ppl get together, they tend to talk about their latest updates of their lives, and all the drama rama that is happening in their life. but... it hurts to see you get left out.. if that's what u'r feeling... i didnt mean to keep talking about a certain thing, perhaps that certain thing is all that's happening in my life? sigh.. i'm trying... but i don't know how... i'm soorie... wanna let u noe u mean alot to me ok? don't wanna think about getting drifted off...
`love
11/27/2005 10:09:00 pm
slept for almost 12 hrs today... was super tired... went jogging yesterday evening.. the 6km route... nearly died.. haha.. havent been jogging for a long time.. that's y... now my legs are aching slightly... knee also hurting slightly... this week i exercised quite alot.. and i hope to keep it that way.. i need to lose fats.. i'm really growing fatter... monday n saturday i went jogging... wed and thurs i went swimming.. haha... stay this way! hahaa...
hope my knee no longer hurt by tmr... cos we're going for night cycling!!! hahaa... yea.. i hope it's gonna be fun.. =) havent gone for night cycling before though.. i'm not a veri good cyclist.. so i hope i will not be dragging the rest of the ppl down... like.. slowing them down or smt... yea...
tue is ktv night...
wed morning have to go vch n check out the place... and den at night i have band...
thurs should be sentosa day if the plan have not been changed...
friday is free for the moment... haha
and saturday i have band once again...
that's how my whole week is gonna be...
and meanwhile... i'm gonna jus let things be... no point... no choice...
`love
11/27/2005 12:25:00 pm
i am a gal...
who believes in smiling than frowning
who believes in looking on the bright side of things
who trust all the ppl around easily
who is naive and blur
who is not very observant
who does not have much hope on her studies
who hates to be left alone
who love to be around her friends
who let her heart lead her life
who is soft
who let ppl hurt her easily
who have grown up from all the silly thoughts in the past...
`love
11/27/2005 12:11:00 pm
Saturday, November 26, 2005
a while is always better then none.
even if it's a short while.
thx. it's sufficient.
i noe wat i should do.
`love
11/26/2005 10:55:00 pm
determination.
it's really powerful.
with enough determination
nothing is impossible.
u are really determined
to do what you believe you should
and i'm also determined
to continue following wat my heart tells me to
a waste that they are 2 different things.
`love
11/26/2005 05:22:00 pm
harry potter was awesome! haha...
the sq ones outing today wasnt exactly too active n high.. all of us were veri super ultra tired.. i didnt sleep at all last night... was drifting in n out of sleep.. or rather, most of the time, i was out of sleep.. have a band meeting early early in the morning tmr... sigh... so i'm back in hall afterall.. i can feel the tiredness already.. yesterday i went swimming early morning with jill jill, came n and slack around hall... den pei ziqian go wash car, or rather, he wash car, i see him wash his car.. haha.. came back and slack somemore.. didnt sleep, whole day spent at orchard today... i can feel it already.. feel that tmr i'm gonna drag my feet to the meeting.. n i'm still thinking how i should make my way to the meeting place... should i walk? or take a shuttle bus? (if there's even one operating tmr)..... sigh... i'm tired!
alright.. my eyes are closing on me... so i gotta go sleep... zzzZZzz
`love
11/26/2005 12:48:00 am
Friday, November 25, 2005
oh
u can be sure how much i miss u
cos i really do.
sigh.
`love
11/25/2005 11:12:00 am
Thursday, November 24, 2005
exams officially ended! =) -big grin- hahaa... came right back to hostel to begin the activities planned way ago... watched a movie, mindhunters, in ziqian's room after i came back... me n jill were quite freaked out.. ziqian already watched it before... n felix thought it was a good movie.. it is good show.. lots of twists here n there... nice!
decided to go swimming after that.. but all of us are too tired to move... we lie on the bed n make ourselves comfortable... so that we can don't go swimming... haha.. but nooo.... the weather had to be a nice one after so many days of rain.. so we got up, and went.
went to the jurong swimming complex.. the huge one with slides n all.. swam only a freaking 1 1/2 laps with dearest jill porkie.. hahaa... we spent the rest of our time playing n nua-ing around in the 'lazy river' and wave pool... hee... me, jill, lynn, liya, ziqian, and felix all had a good but tiring day...
went back to hall, decided to bathe one more time... or two more times if it will make the chlorine smell on us go away... hahaa... slack for a while, before continuing part two of our day...
brought the tv up to felix's room.... this is so as to prepare for the 'movie screening' of sixth sense on ch.5. a couple of them, in fact, all except me lynn n jill have watched it before... it's a really good show... super nice...
after the movie, me n jill were so tired we fell asleep on ziqian's and felix's bed respectively... hahaa... feel so bad now.. we hai them cannot sleep for 2 whole hours.. somemore they didnt wake us up... hai.... but nvm.. i woke up from jill's call.. haha.. she poke me n stuff like that, telling me that ziqian had to go to the toilet to sleep, and felix is nowhere to be found, all cause we took up their beds.. oops! hahaa... so we woke up and went back down...
now i'm back in my room... going to sleep after this... recharge... for another slacky day tmr!!!
`love
11/24/2005 02:33:00 am
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
i saw the sun rise from the east
felt a light drizzle on my face
watched a rainbow form in the sky
heard the waves splash on the breakwaters
felt the serenity of the surroundings
witnessed the sun set in the west
let the stars shine down on me
and saw the moon glow among the stars.
i am at the beach...
soaked in the sea
felt the waves splash on my face
felt free.
and then i wake up
to find that it was all a dream
it's only a dream.
but who says dreams cant come true?
mine can.
if i want it to.
i dream very often... that's cos i always stone... haha.. i like to dream... i like to picture nice things happening to me.. it makes me happie... i like to think of happie stuff, and happy memories... and then get myself in good mood, so that i can be constantly happie.. =) i'm really no longer depressed le... thank goodness.. haha.. that one week was hard to past... feeling sad really makes the day longer... i'm back to the usual siao siao me... erm.. maybe not so much on the siao side.. haha.. grown quiter compared to before...
exams is ending soon... tmr is my last paper... n i can be high again!!!!! hahaa... cant wait.. really.. i have a whole string of activities lined up already... lol... really cant wait for exams to be over..
freedom!! here i come!! heeee... hahahaa...
`love
11/22/2005 02:57:00 pm
Monday, November 21, 2005
the rain came and go
the sun shine once more
where's the rainbow?
picked up the pieces
piecing it all back
crack lines remain
it'll nv be a whole again.
at least it's near to a whole
with no pieces left out
time will heal the cracks
making it complete once again.
trust your heart
follow it
whatever outcome it may be
embrace it.
`love
11/21/2005 11:25:00 pm
Sunday, November 20, 2005
officially out of depression. (at least it holds for tonight)
=)
soorie zhusiling n the rest whom i got so worried. i'll think for myself... n i'll answer for my own actions.
`love
11/20/2005 09:04:00 pm
down with severe flu... when my nose is not running away, it's blocked. when it's not blocked, it's runny. throat still sore. headache was veri bad last night, better now. slight cough. stomach cramps at the side last night, better now. sigh...
i'm back in hall. dad fetched me back... maybe things will go back to how it used to be... i dunno... perhaps as long as i want it to go back to how it all used to be in the past, it will be...
hall is quiet... no one seems to be around... it's so unlike the usual hours of hall life, where everybody is shouting to everybody, gathering for lunch, waiting to play games... exams sux... exams spoils it all... cant wait for it to be over... alot others already had their exams over and done with... that explains the silence in hall... while me, still have 2 papers going, will make sure it finish sooner then i expected it to be... i wanna go jogging and swimming again.. need to shed off some (or rather, alot) of fats and weight i've put on during exam period... i wanna be healthy alive and kicking again... not to mention, happie.
i'll survive this week... after this week, hope things will go back to how it used to be...
`love
11/20/2005 10:53:00 am
back to where i belong
back to where it all started
i looked.
i noe nothing is gonna change on my part.
i'll still be doing the same things
jus that some things will no longer be done to me.
`love
11/20/2005 10:47:00 am
Saturday, November 19, 2005
replaying the same song over n over again... some things nv change... the same song is in my playlist, in my mind, in my everywhere. because of a reason... because............
`love
11/19/2005 01:29:00 pm
swollen eyes
block nose
runny nose
red nose
sore throat
wat's the best combination u can get from the above? i don't have a choice here.. cos i've got all that...
today, the air feels different. not like the one i felt months ago. not like the one i felt yesterday. not like anything i've felt before. should i go back to hall? will i be able to wake up from my dream?
meanwhile, studies come first. i'll be done with exams in a few days time. then, i can choose whether to dream, or not. to wake up, or not. to be happy, or not.
i have to be happy. life is short. i don't want to live a sad life and be depressed all the time. 1 week is enough torture. i'll be happy again. i will.
`love
11/19/2005 11:45:00 am
back to square one
back to the beginning
back to where nothing happened
starting fresh n new
all over again
my life goes on
confusion cleared
knot in heart untied
ting-ly feeling still lingers
heart emptied out
picking up the pieces
and putting heart back in place
all i need is time
n rain to wash away everything
stars to shine once again
and sun to get me away from darkness
the rain will come
but i doubt the stars n sun will appear
i'll always be missing u
at least memories holds.
`love
11/19/2005 01:44:00 am
Friday, November 18, 2005
i feel out of love... i already am... maybe even before u felt it...
i feel my stars no longer shine... n rainbows no longer show... looking back... and missing it all... i'm probably only missing u...
if i die tmr, will u cry for me?
`love
11/18/2005 08:52:00 pm
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
pain.
endure it.
hardship.
overcome it.
happiness.
treaure it
love.
grab it.
but sometimes,
u let pain harm u,
let hardship get to you,
let happiness slip away,
and let love hurt u.
some things are hard to control,
like the thoughts in your mind.
i'm trying, i'm learning,
still, it's out of control.
it's not easy.
`love
11/16/2005 12:30:00 pm
i miss u more then i think i do.
n i only misses u.
no one else.
`love
11/16/2005 01:25:00 am
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
well... 1 down (finally..) 3 to go...
though i would veri much like to finish eating everything in the exam hall, i tink i'm taking away this module...
big sigh
i'm ok...
treat me nicer... make me special once more...take me back to the beginning
`love
11/15/2005 10:01:00 pm
Monday, November 14, 2005
no restrictions
no boundaries
free.
be naughty
it's the only chance to be
i like it
n i don't care about anything else
did u not realise?
u'r the only one who can make me smile
n i know it...
`love
11/14/2005 02:42:00 am
i'm alright all over again... happie n lively once more... (though a lil lil bit of depress still lingers around...) i tink i noe the reason y... (though i wish veri much that it's not the reason..) but still, as long as i'm happie, i dun care about anything else...
`love
11/14/2005 02:11:00 am
Sunday, November 13, 2005
i'm feeling very depressed all of a sudden... i've no idea what happened, or what had jus hit me, i just feel very down all of a sudden... i feel lost. disorientated. empty. ting-ly feeling in the heart. gone. upset. depressed. haiz.......
mood swings ba... i dunno...
jill's feeling the same too... sigh... it's a badd night...
`love
11/13/2005 11:01:00 pm
wah... wat an exciting afternoon... had quite abit of fun (not to mention horror!!) when trying to get rid of a wasp nest in my room...
ziqian first pointed out that there's a wasp nest at the window.. did u hear that?? it's a WASP NEST (!!!) for goodness sake! a really huge wasp was lurking around at the window.. i got veri paranoid that it'll come in to my room, so he used masking tape to tape up the bottom of the window n cover the hole, so it will not come in... later in the afternoon, i told jill about the nest.. n both of us decided that we should get rid of it before the wasp really treat it as it's home here... so she brought over her inseticide, electric racket, and newspaper, ready to kill it all... so we opened the window slightly, hoping to kill watever that is in the the nest first before actually removing it... when we open the window, the wasp flew over.. of cos, we screamed (real loud!), and that's when all the whole series of screaming started... we bang the window shut and started spraying alot of inseticide at it through the window wire mash... after it flew off, we spray darn alot of inseticide at the nest... den we close the window n start to scrap the nest from the tiny slit under the window... as we fully removed the nesty thingy, green caterpillar-look-a-like thing started crawling out of it... it's so gooooy and slimy and disgusting... and the series of screams continues on... we scream and scream at every little movement there can be... jiayin came over, thinking that we were watching some horror movie, she later got liya n lynn over (those two sadistic ppl who believes in burning insects alive).... and so the killing continues... hahaaa.... opened the window, and the burning comes in... all the wasp lavae and erky stuff got burnt.... one by one... there's a moth out there, and it's not spared either... it caught fire, and turned gruesome... ewww... i swear i could puke right there... me n jill continue the screamings when the lavae started crawling... we're really paranoid.... ewww... they are really disgusting creatures.... n now they are all burnt... heh heh heh... (sadistic laughter) hahahahaa....
n once again, the whole block heard the screams...
not long after the whole wasp fresco, screams were once again heard... this time not from my room... it's from jiayin's room... liya screamed at the sight of lizard... hahaa.. and the whole chasing-the-lizard action started... hahaaa....
it's a happening afternoon... whahaa... 3rd floor is so happening... i love it!! lol... whahhaa....
`love
11/13/2005 04:49:00 pm
Saturday, November 12, 2005
bored! as usual... wat's new here right?
jus now i was in the shower, and i tink one of those 'crabby' mentioned in lynn's blogg jus came out from the cubicle i'm in... cos u noe wat? it's like steeeeaming in there... i really mean steaming.. cos it's so hot until the door (plastic!) condenses like shit... the entire door is filled with water droplets from the condensation... man... i have to wipe it dry before i can actually hang my clothes there.. i wonder how's crabby's skin...
as for me, i'm practically 24-hrs feeling warm.. n i totally cant stand veri hot water when i'm bathing.. n the only time i felt cold, n wanted a hot bath, i went into the cubicle only to find the handle turned all the way to the cold side...
wat's up with ppl these days? hahaa.. cold water on cold days, and hot water on hot days? hmmm.... weirds...
ordered mac in the afternoon again... skipped breakfast this morning cos i woke up at 1+ (!!!!) hahaa... all of us woke up at around that time.. some are still sleeping... watched movie (dirty dancing) till 3+ near 4 the previous night.. some others were gaming, n the rest talking or having supper... we're treating like exams are over... but in actual fact, mine haven't even started!! haiz... back to mac.. we have 8 ppl's order... n we made it look like we're having a mac feast... hahaa.. talked n chatted until 4.30... we planned the activities for after exams... we're gonna have a fun-filled week with KTV, night cycling, and sentosa trip! hahaa... not to forget zoo trip, and an overseas expedition to KL and Genting... and all the other small little self improvise games like blocking catching, water bomb, cluedo, uno stacko, lame games, twisters..... u name it, we have it... hahaaa.... we've already set up a committee for all these activities... lol... all of us cant wait for exams to be over! heee.... i cant wait for mine to be over too...
i've officially completed my first module (finally...).. after spending a whole week on it.. hahaa.. now i have no more time for the other modules.. (damn..) gotta start studying for the first module on the exam dates list... or i'll be doomed... n not to forget physical chem (argh.. yuck...) cant wait for it to be over!!! hai...
in the night, we cooked maggie (yes.. again...) but with self improvise other food like hotdog, luncheon meat, and egg all pan fried together... and celery and a bit of luncheon meat cooked together... wat a meal... taste great! hahaa.... =)
just bathed... gotta get back to work soon.... printing some academic stuff first... den i'll see how to go about studying... feeling super sian already.. alrighty... see ya guys...
`love
11/12/2005 11:00:00 pm
Friday, November 11, 2005
i jus went to collect my last math assignment from my tutor... n guess wat? i failed it... sigh.. he told me i passed my CA, but i only got 50+... which means i gotta work real damn hard to pull my grades up... or i'll be hanging in mid air.. darn bad grades, but yet cannot da bao... sigh...
`love
11/11/2005 02:42:00 pm
sigh.. another sian day... wat can i do??!?!!
sigh again... going to NIE to collect my assignment.. i swear it's badly done... if my exams are screwed, i'm pretty much screwed as well...
save me...
`love
11/11/2005 10:00:00 am
Thursday, November 10, 2005
well... wat's new? study study study study.....
currently blasting music off my comp... need to get some stress off... my aim is to finish my first module over n down with... i'm left with 1.5 chapters of studying to do before i'm over with AAM102.... n that will be my 2nd last paper... after that, i'm gonna start with AAM101... that will be my first paper, on the 15th... den i'll be over n done with math! haha.. next up will be chem.. beginning with AAY101 den AAY102... really cant stand physical chem (AAY102) that's y i'm leaving it for the last... though it's my 2nd paper, on the 17th... i'll be fine with that i hope... hope wun da bao that one... i'm getting paranoid...
everybody who came back from the exam halls from other faculty all said exams is tough... i'm getting worried... sigh... i hope i'll do fine...
not going home for the next 2 weeks... gonna stay in hall n chiong for exams all the way... i'll make it... i will...
gotta go study.... study study study study study.......
i tink i'm going crazy....
`love
11/10/2005 10:34:00 pm
Sunday, November 06, 2005
seriously, i tink i'm simply so turned off by books n notes... firstly, i slept for 12 hrs from yesterday night till this morning... n den followed by a whole series of naps in the late morning and whole afternoon... i swear the only time i was awake was when i'm having my meals... hahahaaa... the night finally arrived... i shall now get back to my work... man.. i sound like an owl.. work only in the night... hahahaa... but im tired... i noe if i dun start my work, i'll nv be able to complete it... sigh...
drama in life. talking about witnessing drama in life, i've nv came across such big drama... really. it's drama everywhere i am now... this drama in my life have so far been the biggest drama i've ever had... 2 viewpoints is wat people always get when asked for opinions... but which is right?
doubting is tiring... can i choose to believe watever i feel or see or hear? can i not doubt? will there be anybody who will abuse my trust, knowing that i'll always choose to trust instead of doubt? pls don't... i'm vulnerable as it is...
`love
11/06/2005 09:51:00 pm
Friday, November 04, 2005
wow~ what a day i had today.. lol...
first thing in the morning, even before i can finish washing my face, i'm being dragged into this whole mcdonalds fresco.. hhaa..
i jus finished brushing my teeth, about to wash my face, n lynn went
"nene! do u happen to noe our postal code??? the mcdonald lady wants it!"
this is wat happened. we wanted to order mcdonalds delivery, but the lady insisted we give her the postal code of hall 10 blk 50.. so i had no choice, but to help her check out the postal code... thinking that a piece of emergency hall 10 paper might have the postal code, i took the phone n ran to my room from the toilet... having found the paper and the address written on it, i happily went
"erm... i tink our postal code is 639810."
mc lady: "so this is 22 nanyang ave? rite?"
me: "erm... u give me a minute..."
"jill pok!!!" i yelled... "is this 22 nanyang ave????"
jill: "erm.. should be ba"
me: "oh yes.. it is... "
mc lady: "can i have ur name?"
me: "oh wait ar..."
me: "jill, can pass the phone to lynn? she wants a name..."
jill took over the phone n said "oh yes.. this is jill."
mc lady: "can i have ur phone number?"
jill: "oh... err... 98163847.. i tink... err... it's the number of this phone rite??"
mc lady: " yesss...." *probably already cursing us...*
jill: "oh ok.. cos this's not my phone.. hur hur..."
mc lady: "so can i have ur order pls?"
jill: "oh shit.. wat's our order???!!! erm.. give me a min.."
jill: "lynn!!!!! wat's our order??!!!"
lynn took over the phone...
phew.. we finally got our order done... bet the lady must be thinking wat a bunch of gals... man... she must be hell cursing us for that...
this is not all... we went down to get our order when the man called... n guess wat? we're short of 10 cents... *bish* the guy is nice enuf to let us off for the 10 cents... n guess wat's next? 1 fillet burger didnt get delivered... so we called the guy, but he said we have to call the headquarters... after that whole fresco before this, we decide to give the headquarters a miss...
watched final destination 1 after lunch...it was shit scary!! all the scenes were so gory n unexpected... i screamed damn alot of times.... but the show was super nice la... =)
went to jp for dinner... went to arcade of cos... couldnt have gave that a miss... went to popular, den followed by ntuc... took a cab back to hall...
n now i'm blogging here (which i'm not supposed to) cos i'm supposed to go bathe n den study... hahaa... i will be hardworking for this once k?? i will... hahahaa
`love
11/04/2005 10:59:00 pm
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
did i mentioned how stupid i am? first, i studied the wrong chapter for maths on monday... den i couldnt remember a single concept/formula for today's chem test.. i ended up leaving 90% of the chem paper blank... and it's worth a bloody 30% for the whole module... i'm so dead...
in chi, i would say wo kan de hen kai... n indeed, i really kan de hen kai... afterall, i'm all to blame for not preparing the test well... gotta buck up before the real eam sets in.. i dun wanna da bao... i'm pretty much doomed...
on a lighter note... i believe everybody have to make decisions in their lives... but out of all the times we're standing at the cross roads, how many times did we actually crossed the right path? one wrong step, any u-turn? i hate making decisions.. cos most of the times i wouldnt know if i'm right or wrong... i've jus taken a step forward... a step nearer to my future... but a step to heaven? or a step to hell?
i'd choose to go with whatever my sixth sense tells me to... i'll prefer to go with my feelings... i guess, as long as i feel good about smt, i'll do it... unless i noe it's terribly wrong, or i tink nothing else can stop me...
a step to heaven would what i would prefer though...
`love
11/02/2005 04:58:00 pm
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
i dont wan anything else...
let time proves it all... it's worth it? i don't know...
`love
11/01/2005 08:15:00 pm
things are gonna change, i'm sure... but yet it doesn't look like it's changing to me... i'm confused... i'm paranoid... i'm sad...
all i need is time.. i'm gonna be lively n all again soon... like yesterday's supper trip... it got me laughing n happie again... need more of these... constantly...
`love
11/01/2005 08:45:00 am
