rainbow disappear after a while
it's only there for a short while
after a passing rain

stars also don't last forever
they go away after the sun is out

nothing stays.

all good things come to an end.

but i know i once seen a veri beautiful rainbow
and once sat under a sky of stars...
i should be contented

jus like how i should already be contented with my life now

i should not wish for a beautiful aurora...
i should be contented with jus the rainbow in the sky...

short yet beautiful

so near yet so far...




that was just a short reflection of myself for the past one year till now. i'm alright. no worries. i'm not suffering from depression or anything of that sort...

it's so near yet so far...
fly away...
aurora...

1 heartache

2 heartaches

3 heartaches?

i once saw a rainbow here... and a night of stars there...
where're they now?

lots of things running through my head. my heart feels so heavy, it's weighing me down. i hate this feeling. cant sleep, cant watch tv at ease, cant chat at ease, my mind is in a mess.

i dunno how i'm supposed to be feeling now.

maybe it's just me.




go away

i guess i gotta start finding activities to keep myself entertained tonight. i've already survived the morning and early afternoon. i guess perhaps night won't kill.

or maybe it'll kill. since i've already run out of things to do in my own little room.





i want to, but yet i don't want to
it's a dilema
it's complicated
i no longer know wat i'm thinking

i wanna go home
all of a sudden
but i have sectionals early in the morning
there's no way i wanna make it back here in the morning

i wanna be nice and understanding
but there's nothing for me to understand
all cooped up
upset

maybe i'm jus disappointed.

yesterday was absolute madness!!!

met up with baoling, meihui, siang xing (or however u spell his name), feng xia, and xin da in the afternoon. wanted to go to the settlers cafe n stay till dinner time.. but it opened at 6 every tuesday... they cheat our feelings.. in the end we have to rot at gelare until 6 before making our way over...

baoling they all bought me bikini from hong kong!! hahaa... love them la.. my first bikini.. but i dun dare to wear!! lol.. no wonder the other day baoling asking if i wanna go sun tan.. hahaa... got "yin mo" one ar.. hahaa... it's nice man... good taste!

n so we made our way to the settlers cafe... played super alot of board games for nearly 4 hrs.. haha... super fun! one of the game requires making the sound of the animal u chose... then meihui go and make the donkey sound so hard to imitate la!in the end she cleared her cards the earliest.. hahahaa... also played other games like i'm the boss... it's fun too... it's sort of a mind game.. gotta see who's the smartest to win the most money... we played 2 rounds for 2 hrs! lol... drank 2 jugs of ice tea (1 peach tea, 1 lemon tea) among 6 ppl. drink until i keep going to pee.. haha...

stayed to take part in the scavanger hunt... another laugh until peng activity.. haha.. we were required to find 12 item, and 1 bonus item.. items like 3 strands of hair of 5 cm, something which starts with letter E, a school ID with your photo, 1 sock, 1 shoe lace, something pure silver, expired coupon, lip stink or lip gloss, used tissue, map, a cup, and a settlers cafe membership card. bonus item is a keychain with the most number or keys. hahaa... n so we made friends with one of the waitress there who is of the same age as us (and she know my jc classmate in nus!! it's her classmate now!! it's christine! haha). we borrowed her keys, shoelace, and sock, and borrowed a map hanging on the wall, as well as a new settlers membership card (those without name, brand new ones). poor xinda have to run to get his expired coupon, and we managed to string all our keys together to make it a chain of 27 or 28 keys! hahaaa.... really laugh until peng... for all of these fun, we won some vouchors to be used there the next time we visit.. fun!

skipped dinner cos i ate a waffle ice cream at 3+ at gelare... and besides, i was veri full from drinking tea... so didnt eat dinner. went to wala wala to meet the rest of the band ppl who met for dinner earlier. it's my first time to wala wala.. nice place i would say. i like the musics that the band played. super fun time.. couldnt control myself too.. so drink n drink... bought a drink for 1 for 1, and drank a bit of stella beer... drink until nearly seh...

miss yesterday so much... wish i could turn back time... it's been really long since i last had so much fun...





last weeked was also the most number of days in a row i stayed at home in the past 1 yr. haha.. i know that's terrible of me.. well, except chinese new yr perhaps, i never spent 4 days at home. i went home last friday, and came back only on monday night. i know i should spend more time at home. but hall is indeed more tempting... the staying out late, the no nagging at my ear... everything...

came back to my room on monday night and got a shock of my life. first thing that came to my mind was "someone broke into my room?". my room was in a total mess! the things on the fridge were all thrown all over the floor, window's wire mash broken, name drawn on paper stuck on my fridge was torn, plastic backing at the bottom of the door was ripped out.... i felt like my room was broken into. called avril, but she havent been back.. there was a thunderstorm, but not enough to cause my room such a mess! hence it all led to the conclusion of baddd feli that broke into my room. she's been on the window ledge there these days... shocking jill, lynn and jasen in the middle of the night... now they warned me not to be too shock when i see a black mass moving on the window ledge outside... it's probably feli... baddd cat...

anyway, now my room is pretty alright le.. cleaned up the mess that night...





run along... run to a faraway place

i wanna run in the rain
and let the rain splatter on my skin
hear the sound of rain falling on the ground
as i make my way down that long long stretch of road

[with you]

another fantasy

da vinci code is nice. =) square ones outing even nicer! =D

haha.. yea.. had another sq ones outing to watch the da vinci code.. the movie is not bad.. jus that it has alot of words n story, and veri little action.. not as gripping as the book.. but it was not bad! seriously.. haha..

the other day i was talking to zhu si ling on the phone.. i was "teh-ing" (close to the meaning of whining) her all the way.. and a funny thing happened..

me: zhu si ling....

joce: yesss?

me: nothing much la.. jus feel like tehing u lor... zhusiling.... oh zhusiling....

joce: -small eyes-

me: zhusiling!! zhusiling...... oh..... zhusiling..... wahhhh..... zhusiling.....

joce: -getting irritated-

me: i know it's irritating... but i cant help it.. haha... zhusiling... my zhusiling...... oh.. zhusiling.. -and chants goes on-

joce: ok fine~ i shall do the same n irritate the hell out of u... nene.... oh nene.... oh my nene...

!!!!!

joce: did i jus say that? ewww.. it sounds so wrong! hahaa...

-both laugh till head drops-





another funny incident which happened in the cinema, 1 hr into da vinci code.

lynn: nene.. do u feel like peeing?

me: now??

lynn: ya.. kinda.. cos i wanna pee...

me: erm... urgent ar?

lynn: ok la.. nvm.. i can ren (tolerate in chinese)

me: u sure? (check time) u have another one and a half hr to go...

lynn: errr... (second thoughts come in) ok fine.. i'll go now...

me: ok fine.. i'll pei u.. since i read the book anyway...

-so we shuffled our way out. beside us was this couple u see.. so we felt that we're disturbing them from their movie.. yes.. all the time.. but anyway, we managed to get out-

(after peeing)

lynn: hey! u want to buy pop corn?? i'm sure zhu si ling n jill jill will want! and since we're already out.. heh heh heh... we can jus pop outside for a little while u see..

me: oh great.. does that mean we have to past the couple again? we dun have money or hp with us u know? oh man... i swear i'll kill us if i were the couple...

lynn: hmmm... but but.. i'm sure there's a way..

me: oh i know! since we sit right above the steps, we can hint and hand signal to zhu si ling or jill jill to ask them throw money down! hahaa.... brilliant idea isnt it? den we wun have to walk past the couple twice!

lynn: ya.. n dun u tink the ppl watching the movie will seh (bash) us? bahhh

me: aiya.. i'm sure we can go "psss psss".. i'm sure it won't be too loud..

-and so off we go.. heading for the stairs.. somehow, it doesnt take alot for jill jill to notice us. we were jus heading for the stairs.. and then we saw her popped her head out... saw us did some funny thing and guessed that we wanted money for pop corn, and threw lynn's wallet down! plan succeeded! lol-

-and so me n lynn walk out of the theatre in a laughing fit... and to think that such a corky idea will work... smart jill! must be a twin telepathy thing between her n lynn... lol..-

(holding a medium pop-corn and drink)

lynn: so now wat? walk past the couple with these? they will seh us la!

me: no la.. we'll make it quick..

(shuffle back to our seats, meeting delighted zhu si ling and jill cos there's finally pop corn for the movie!)

and so that ends our little drama in the cinema.. we managed to get back to our seat... and they didnt seh us... but i tink we irritated them alot though... so paiseh.. really didnt mean it.. with ppl like us around, there's bound to be drama... haha...

cheers!

Jus had a concert with the mjc alumni band. superb.

our playing may not be comparable to others out there, who're more professional, who practised longer, whose band is their life. but i'm sure we had fun, and it's our best. =)

havent met up with the band peeps in a super long time. i suddenly feel so old.. dearest jackass reminded me that we're old.. really old.. junoirs 3 yrs younger than us have already entered jc and gone through a quarter of their jc life. and we've actually already left jc for 2 yrs already. how come time flies, so much so that i didnt realise 2 yrs was gone in a blink of eye. i see the difference in reaction in a jc band concert and a uni band concert. perhaps we've all grown to be more mature, but i definitely wun mind being all childish again. i would say the concert is a success.

as quoted from emma: "oh look at our babies.. they've all grown up and graduated. now there're new babies. wat are we? grand-parents already?"

yea... our junoirs have all grown up. we've grown old.. haha... alumni is certainly a place where you can look back and say "hey! that was where i used to be! in the past... ... we used to... ..."

n i thought that time past really fast when i was in jc. now i wish i hadnt thought that way. cos time in uni definitely past faster. at least it does for me.




on a side note, i was fantasising once again, in my living room (cos i need to stay out of the air con room where my sis was already asleep). n as usual, sweet thoughts filled my head. need i say more? those friends really close to me will know that i do that all the time.. always looking out and dreaming of the perfect date for myself, a perfect romantic night es-ca-pe. haha... sometimes i would call them to tell them about it. they're those who have seen the really silly side of me.. hahaha... but i'm always like this.. lol.. so this was what i thought about:

I would...

Hold you by your hand and walk down the beach with you.
Lie down on an empty grass patch and watch the stars with you.
Sit with you on the breakwaters and wait for the sun to rise.
Write little notes and secretly slip it in your room.
Make you watch drama serial with me.
Make sure you sit beside me and hear me talk cok when I'm having pms.
Pop up at your door with little surprises you like.
Want you to endure my every not-so-lady-like moves.
Watch a sports match with you, a sport of your choice.
Make sure we go shopping and shop till I drop.
Want you to tolerate my screams at every little thing.
Have a childish night in with you, of half cooked (self-experimented) food and pillow fights.
Look into your eyes and let you know how much you mattered to me.
Hug you tight and never let go of you.
Tell you how much I love you.

But there's no one out there for me to experiment all these things on. (can u imagine if there really is? poor guy...) They're jus my lil' fantasy in my own lil' world. One which is out of reach and out of the reality. Oh well, don't everyone have their own fantasy sometimes too? I always dream of those little romantic night escape... If only fantasy can come true too.

But fantasy will always be a fantasy. One which is most often too ideal to come true.

but some say nothing is impossible. u?

Genting trip!
Cheers guys!

Hey! take a look at our room! 5 ppl, but 10 pairs of footwear! lol (jy's sandles is not in the pic) next up is the dressing table and the tv. keeps us company in the night! oh look! our beds! the one on the left is the guys bed. the one on the right is of cos the girls one den. both are as messy right? lol. taken after the second night. look at the dustbin in the middle of the bed: it's full of tissue! cant blame us. we have 4 ppl down with morning flu. hahaha... we used up more then 3 box of tissue man!


cable car! nice scenary right? the journey down was quite scary. the journey up wasnt that bad. hey tonglei! so how's ur fear o heights coming along man? lol. i bet u can take cable car up and down without a prob now man! cheers!


themepark!

from left to right: the first up is the boat thing. next is followed by the flying coaster. it's supposed to be the themepark's signature attraction. too bad we didnt get to try it. following up is the super toboggan! we didnt managed to try that too. lack of time. blame it on the bad weather in the afternoon. we have to face rain and mist! but at least the sky in the night cleared for us. =) next up is the ferris wheel. the following 2 pic is the general pic of the whole themepark taken from our hotel room. following that is the spinner. it goes round and round and makes u giddy. finally, presenting to u, the cockscrew and cyclone! cockscrew is the one on the left. it's a roller coaster ride which makes 2 360 degrees turn. super thrilling! thx tong lei for taking it wif me! i was scared stiff! lol. cyclone was great too! geri's first roller coaster ride! geri, fun right? we sat that twice. the last but not least is the space shot. daniel wanted to take it. but no one else dared to sit with him. gave that a miss eventually. it look freaking scary la! i tink i'll die from sitting the ride. hahaa...


boo! geri dear!

from left to right: before we take the boat ride. geri in cable car. me n geri in the bus on the journey back. in the room. the last 2 are boat rides! had fun steering the thing with u man! i'll never forget our perfect parking! u'r an expert la! hahaha... i love u geri! muack!

daniel!! haha..

from left to right: me n daniel in the cable car. on the escalator. boating experience. hey! we managed to steer to beside ur boat k. haha.. me n daniel in the room. at the bus terminal before departure. at first world hotel lobby.

yo emmy!

from left to right: me and emmy bored from queueing for bumper car ride. (the rest of them were downstairs watching soccer! liverpool vs westham. heh... next is emmy in the cable car. me n emmy making funny faces. emmy boating on her own. she's good! me and emmy posing at the cable car place. emmy say cheese! us trying to re-enact last night's scene of me pushing emmy off the bed. lol!!

my tong lei!!

from left to right: me n jy on cockscrew ride. i didnt even dare to open my eyes! but i have to say it's a nice ride. posing with our photos and capturing the word "cockscrew" behind. at the bus terminal before departure. me trying to hit jy with the pillow. posing with our coach behind us. first day of genting (we jus checked in to our room). queueing for our dragon ride. feet in the cable car! (look closely! jy's toe nails are painted!) whahahahaa...

group shots!

from left to right: in the cable car. queueing for fun kart. in the hotel room. the 4 ppl with flu! act cute poses 1, 2, and 3! the girls abusing jy. (poor him! tsk tsk...) act cute again. look here and say cheese!

genting trip was awesome! thanx guys!

i'm upset




i've nv been this upset. i don't know how to be happie again. even when i'm happie outside, i'll never be happie inside. i won't be happie at home. i wanna escape.. escape from all the mess... i wan my daddy... i suddenly miss him so much...

i wanna tell my mum how much i love her... that no matter how unreasonable she is, i still love her. because she's my mum. i dun wanna wait till i lose her, and not have a chance to let her know that she mattered to me.

but she's not listening.





and pms isnt helping either. tmr is the genting trip, and yet today i'm feeling so shitty. i sure hope i'll be able to pull myself out from all these shitttt... and have an enjoyable trip.




1st horror i face befor genting trip:
i have to wear shoes!!

yes.. i jus have this thing against wearing shoes with anything other than sports attire. simply because i look retarded in them.

bah.. i noe i still have to wear them. pardon me and my ugly looking feet (with shoes on). sigh....




hao ba.. i see how i can help calm myself down. have been feeling upset n touchy n moody the whole day. cried a number of times too. n i'm tired. i'm too tired...

this post specially goes out to jy...

see the candle holder? it has a "JOY" word on it.

joy is in your hands. grab it. your life is like the candle burning in there. when it goes out, and joy goes out with the candle light, all you have to do it light it up again. be like the snowman in the same pic. always smiling, even when the candle light goes out. sometimes, darkness hides your smile, but be sure that it'll be seen after the dark period is over. light it up again.

smile to the world. smile to the one you love.

bring joy to your life, and to all others around you.

went to sushi tei to eat with the sq ones and faizah last night. yupp. raffles city shopping centre branch. that branch is really nice k.. with nice decor n ambience... no other branch beats that. here are some photos:


taken from my view, looking out of the little hole of the round table seat.

seats for 2 ppl in another separate room. nice lighting.

same room with the beehoon thingy down. wondering wat the beehoon thingy is? it's the white thingy that attached to the top of the seat surrounding the table seat, making it a private table for everybody sitting there.

an empty round table.

the outside of the restaurant.

not to mention, i bought this G2000 blouse for 59 bucks!!! argh.. now i'm broke... siannn.. oh well.. at least the blouse is nice. look below. it's the lining pattern of the blouse. not veri clear though.

alright.. that's it for this post.. gotta go eat lunch le... heh...

well, this is just one of those random posts. yea, i had a quarrel with my mum. She just happened to be in one of her frequent mood swings, and i happened to be in a really snappy mood. so i sort of snapped back at her and made everything worse, hence taking refuge in hall now. oh well, she's gonna be fine again. it's jus a matter of time.

had a ktv session with the band peeps, namely geri, jy, daniel, shuling, congzhi, and me of cos. =) it's a great session, with lots of entertainment as usual. happie.




another random question. why do ppl fall in love? isn't it just so perfect to stay single? without worries, without woes, without questions, without seeking answers.

if falling in love makes ppl so miserable, why do ppl still fall in love? i guess we all jus fell into it unknowingly, unexpectedly. everything happened not to your expectation. like what i always say, things happen for a reason. if things turned out a certain, it's fate, it's destiny. for you falling for a person, and for the person to fall in love with you too, it's happiness. for you falling for a person, and the person not falling for you, it's misery. for you falling for a person, and the person not knowing that you fell for him, it's heart wrenching. which are you?

i miss those days. those carefree days. those days where you don't give a shit about guys, and stay happie in your little group of girlfriends. but everything changes. And they change for a reason.




Embrace it.
Forget it.
It's only a fantasy.

is money that important?

u'r already the richest among us all,
yet u wanted more money

can money really do wonders?
can it buy relationship?

is it that important?

i begin to wonder wat's going through in your mind.
i'm so disappointed in you.




i know it has gotta do with us all going overseas for those 3 days. but it wasnt planned to be this way. we didnt planned it at the same time, we planned it with our friends. n know u kick up a big fuss over us not being at home. n u even threatened to lock the doors and not let us in. no big deal! i can always go back to hall. i can find a job n support myself. no big deal at all. see who's at a loss. you, or me.

you may be stubborn, but being your daughter, i'm just the same. i won't give in.

so many things happened in a span of 3 days. n it's only 3 days!

1st day where things start to happen: 3rd may '06, wednesday.

had dinner wif baoling on tues night... that's when we planned the activities for wed. went over to baoling's hall to nua a little bit, and at the same time practice tutorial for our math paper on thurs. charis arrived quite late.. cos she nua too much at her hall.. in the end, she gave up nua-ing cos she knew she's gonna fall asleep soon n not make it to baoling's room. haha.. so she made her way over n we talk cos + do work till dinner time.. and wat's the best thing? me n baoling already discussed wat to have for dinner right after our lunch! we're jus ppl who look forward to meals la.. haha.. only motivation... meihui joined us for dinner! went to prata place.. cabbed there n back. had a niceeeee dinner!! ok.. n so i went back to hall after that to do math all the way till 3am... couldnt really sleep.. so woke up at 6+ to toss n turn in the bed before i fully woke up at 740...

2nd day where havoc starts: 4th may '06, thursday.

n so i went for number theory paper, which turned out to be better than i expected it to be. everyone else thought it was better than expected too, so i expect to see moderation, n hence didnt get my hopes too high. n guess wat? i found out that no one really slept! oh gosh... everybody too excited for the last paper, and the havoc following it... resulting in no good sleep... lol..

went to PARTY with meihui n gang (consisting of meihui, fengxia, baoling, jolene, xinda, sihua, siang xing, kai, n me!!) went kbox to sing from 2 to 7... had chao alot alot alot of fun there man!! laugh till i cant stop.. everybody there to comical la! celebrated meihui's birthday too. she was so shock when fengxia n jo jo brought in the cake.. she still asked "whose bday is it?" lol.. than she realised it's hers. lol... went to pizza (which was right next to kbox at clementi) for our feast! siang xing suggested ordering the family feast for 4 to 5, and order 2 sets of it. it's cheap! lol. in the end, we spent 21 bucks for kbox n pizza! so worth it! haha..

went back to hall by xinda's van. it's those small cute van.. hahaa... bathed n stuff n made my way over to elsa's hall for mahjong through the night. couldnt take it halfway, ko-ed, and got someone else to take over. haha... won 12 bucks... with the help of daniel too (daniel is a new-found friend from blk 70). he took over while i ko on the bed. haha. poor baoling lost 12 bucks n a coffeebean treat! poor her... treat them to breakfast cos i feel guilty for winning so much.. 1st time play money den like that... quite shock...

3rd day where havoc continues: 5th may '06, friday.

n i reached hall at 10am to sleep for 2 hrs before i got woken up jill jill dearest. well.. it's actually the fact that she heard the alarm rang for half an hour before she decides to come in n find out how the hell i slept for half an hour with the alarm ringing at my ear (she could hear it from her room, which was 3 rooms away form mine.) i must have been a piggg... felt bad to pang seh jinyuan, cos promised him to go out le.. so met him after i fully woke up. i had a conversation with him before i fully woke up. he figured that i barely slept, and would most probably be talking in my sleep. so asked me to go and rest instead. buttttt, me n jill suddenly asked him out. yes i know.. weird combination.. cos jill n jinyuan dunno each other. but still, the whole outing turns out fine!! so happie!!

in fact, it's funnnn!!!! bought my long awaited for surf shorts at OP. haha.. i'm now the owner of a yellow tank top too! n undies from topshop. haha... total damages: 70 bucks. forced jinyuan to try a green tee from adidas. he look super damn nice in it la!! he was still worried he dun suit green... hahahaaa... we gave him an xs to try.. cos it looked reasonable for him. n he came out of the fitting room saying he looked like gay!! cos the tshirt veri fitting... lol... super damn funny!!

"oh man! i look like the spiderman emoticon now!!", jinyuan exclaimed!

hahahaa... u should see his classic look man... he wanted to give it up.. but he forced him to try an s instead. n he look absolutly great in it!! but oh well, it's 99 bucks... bet he'll buy it if it's cheaper. he thinks he look good too!! lol...

went to sushi tei to eat. saw alot of paragon ppl there!! they all got transfered over. miss them so much.. saw my cousin too.. had a niceeee n filling meal!! so happie... =)

went back to hall after that... glad that jill n jy hit on so well. =) cheers! hahaa... glad jy had a good time too. was so worried he'll be bored from all the shopping... u noe girls n retail therapy... lol... nothing can stop us! hahahaa... yupp... fun fun fun...

now i'm tired... maybe i'm going to bed soon... i only had 2 hours of sleep. from the morning of number theory paper till now. feel so red... so heaty... like i'm radiating heat... i dun wanna get fever... haha... taking more care of my health now... cant fall sick! i wanna playyy!!





that, i gave it up.
i'll be glad i did.

exams ended!!! woohoo!!~~ cheers!!! yay!!!

ok.. that might be a little over reacted... but i'm high!!!!!

number theory was alright... i believe i can pass it! well that's all i wanted! cheers!

jus spent my past 1 and a half hrs sending more then 20 emails out. all for work of publicity. gosh.. i hate this period of time, where i rush n rush to meet deadlines, to make sure i have all the info i need for the next meeting. i'm beginning to get more n more bo chap... jus hope i get my things done this time round. that's all i hope for.

need to complete all (yes.. ALL) my tutorials for number theory. i really think there's a high chance exams questions are going to be similar, as teo mentioned more than 3 times, that it's impt to do tuts before anything else. i have 10 tuts. will i be able to complete them before the exam? i hope it's not going to be a killer paper though. i really wanna fo well for it. sigh...

tmr probably gonna make my way down to hall 11 to find baoling. n maybe meet charis n meihui there to have a mass math session. hahaa... hope that helps.

can wait for number theory to be done and over with! after that i'm going to PARTY!!!! hahaa... yes yes yes... going ktv with meihui n baoling they all... tink there're 9 of us. havent gone ktv with them before. think it's gonna be exciting.. heh... after that there might be a mahjong session overnight at elsa's hall! woohoo~ hahaha...

maybe meet up with jy n geri after their paper finishes on fri? hmmm... maybe maybe... haha..

n not to forget the sq ones!! outing to the beach!! lol... i wun leave u guys out man... this outing is set on!

ktv session with the band peeps on monday, wed comm meeting, thurs night maybe going for nbs bash, and fri i'm off to genting!!!! hooray~~!!! lol... i tink i planned my activities wayyy too much than i can take it.. but hell with it! who really cares! i wanna have funnnnnn!!! hahahaha..

*back to reality*

math for now. number theory.




i thought that was the best way to forget.
but,
occasionally,
i still thought about u.

oh well... it's only occasionally i hope..